Not For The Faint Hearted
by Elvirina
Summary: Bella is trying to survive a hard life where loss happens every day. When she suddenly finds herself in the midst of danger being trapped in a vampire lair she discovers a disturbing truth and experience feelings she had deemed impossible. Canon, OOC
1. Preface

**These wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just get a kick out of playing around with them. The plot, however, belongs to me.**

**WARNING:**

**This story contains a series of abuse and violence in various forms, so be aware this is not and will not be a story for everyone! So if you don't have a strong stomach this may not be the story for you. Stop reading!**

**A major thanks to SaritaDreaming for not running screaming for the hills beta'ing this. **

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**Preface**

Incarceration is the detention of a person, typically as punishment for a crime. People are most commonly incarcerated upon suspicion or conviction of committing a crime.

A prison in the time I live in is not necessarily a building with four brick walls. No, it has changed into a community, a city bound by a fence and roaming on the inside are the murderers, rapists, child abusers, and any other types of low life known to man.

I, Bella Swan, exist amongst these people in a small fenced in community called Forks. Looming all around are the tall trees, the ever green and moist forest.

In the inhumane, I have found humanity. Those who claimed to be humane were the real monsters. This I have learned while incarcerated.

I never expected to have a home again. I never dared to hope, nor did I never expect to find safety, but I had. I even found love in the most unlikely of places. Staring into his blood red eyes, his hunger and devotion was beckoning me, luring me down this dark and dangerous path, but I did not fear him. I never had. He was the sole reason I managed to survive this depraved place. He was the reason that I had not given into my demons and chosen the eternal darkness to soothe my agony and leave my precious one behind.

His cool skin didn't feel cold to me as he hovered closely. Indecision was battling the clear and undiluted want and need that was controlled by his instincts. His nature was far different from mine, and he struggled with it constantly. He would never be able to deny that inhumane side of him that was powerful, perhaps more so than his supposed lost humane side. It was a reflex to survive jerking at him, leading him to the only thing I would ever be able to offer him. He wanted what I could give him, but morally, he fought not to succumb.

I craned my neck, moving my head aside, waiting for the searing pain that would follow his assault on my throat. I wasn't scared because I wanted it. In all actuality, I needed it. I longed to return the kindness he had always bestowed upon me. I wished for him to belong to me and not seek what he craved to survive out where I… I no longer ventured.

I wanted him to be solely mine as I was his.

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**A/N**

**I would love to hear your initial thoughts.**

**Not sure when I'll the first chapter will be posted, but we'll have to see.**

**I'm on twitter Elvirina_Nelly – come find me.**


	2. Facts of Life

**These wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just get a kick out of playing around with them. The plot, however, belongs to me.**

**WARNING:**

**This story contains a series of abuse and violence in various forms, so be aware this is not and will not be a story for everyone! So if you don't have a strong stomach this may not be the story for you. Stop reading!**

**A major thanks to SaritaDreaming for not running screaming for the hills beta'ing this. **

**RATED NC-17 and I mean that! This chapter is probably the worst of them, so brace yourself.**

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Chapter One

Facts of Life

I sloshed through the damp streets of Forks. I didn't even bother to glance at the gray depressing walls. I knew too well what they looked like. Perhaps once upon a time, this little town had been idyllic and a place where families lived, went trekking into the woods for picnics on sunny days, or had swing sets in the garden for their kids; however, that wasn't the case now. There was nothing idyllic or remotely romantic about Forks anymore. It wasn't only imprisoned by the dense forest surrounding a large cluster of ratty and tattered buildings, but a real life prison where you incarcerated the worst scum of society and a few others. Behind the fringe of forest, there was a fence that kept all of us on the inside with no hope of ever believing in or breathing in safety.

The rain was picking up, and I ran a hand under my nose as snot was starting to drip and run wild. I was late, and the sky was darkening, but I had to get the bread that would be the only thing filling our bellies tonight. I suspected Jacob would come home empty-handed again. It was annoying as hell, but I would never blame him for it. He wasn't bred for these rough streets. Sure, he was awesome with a homemade snare and some game, but there wasn't much to hunt for anymore. I never thought for a second it was a mistake to take him under my wings. Small and measly as they were, I could offer him a semblance of protection no one else would give him. Besides, it was only for a measured period of time. His punishment had an expiration date.

I skimmed the outskirts of town and looked straight into the eye of my enemy – the fence. You could bet your ass I would get past that somehow – dead or alive. I was hoping for the latter.

The drizzle intensified, and I tried to cover the bread with my jacket. I didn't dare to yank too hard on the crumbling fabric because it was my only shield against the freezing wind. I let my feet pound faster against the tarmac as I hurried. I didn't want to worry Jacob. It aggravated me that I was beginning to act like a mother hen', and I had no intention of ever becoming a mother. I would never bring a child into a world this dark and destructive. The risk was simply too high.

On the other side of that fence, far, far away, people were sitting down for dinner, filling their mouths, rubbing their fat bellies, and climbing into warm beds at night. They just wanted to ignore and contain the monsters. I wasn't officially declared to be one of them, but I was here anyway.

This place was created by one sire, one obsolete who held this part of the world in an iron grip. They were the people with the fattest bellies, the power, the dominion, the force to feed this desolate hell hole with inhabitants and soulless monsters. They were the Volturi, and they were the reason that I was here.

You didn't stand up to them. You didn't fight them and you certainly didn't humiliate them publicly or call them out to be the bastards that they were.

I pushed the useless memories back and focused on the falling night. I had about three and a half minutes to get back to the cellar, and the last part of the walk was at least ten minutes long. I couldn't run or panic; that would only lure them to me. It was as if they could smell the dread and horror that automatically seeped from human's pores when anxiety set in. They were like rabid dogs seeking submission from lesser creatures. As so many other things in my life, I had learned the hard way that really whipped them into a frenzy.

Two kinds of existences were housed inside of the fence. You could place them in two categories—day walkers and night walkers. Both were equally despicable, but they would take different things from you. Though, ultimately, no matter if it was the one or the other, they would leave you brutalized and used. The day walkers, or rapists as I preferred to call them, would take your body for their own sick pleasure. The night walkers, or vampires, would take your blood. I couldn't decide which was worse – I had tried them both.

I glanced at the fence again as I turned the corner. One moment of inattention and I felt my punishment in the form of a rough hand clamped around my neck as he smashed my back against the brick wall. The air was brutally knocked from my lungs, and his hand crushed harder around my throat. I tried to cough to replace the oxygen knocked from my body, but I could only use my muscles to heave without successfully getting any air through.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" he snarled. His breath was vile and laced with alcohol made from rotten apples.

I couldn't respond. I just clutched my hand tighter around the bread. I did a quick assessment of my assailant. I needed to find the best way to play my cards and opt for the most secure way to ensure that Jacob wasn't spending the night alone. I knew he would come looking for me if I didn't return. He would risk being harmed for me, and I knew it.

If the creature standing before me was a night walker, I would incline my head and pray to a god that never existed that he was able to control himself and not drain me completely. They usually didn't suck us dry as their supply of blood was limited to the villains and doomed ones like me, caught in this purgatory. But once in a while you would find a corpse in the street when the sun rose in the morning, relieved of their vital red fluid. Fortunately, the Volturi on the other side of the fence seemed to fill the prison with fresh meat often enough, but the blood drinkers still had to ration their dinner, and they knew it. That was the only weapon we humans had against them, but it was a hell of a hassle recuperating when they had taken your blood. With hardly any food to rebuild your strength, it took a long time to replace the blood that you had lost.

The other kind, the filthy, disgusting smelling slobs that roamed the day and whose favorite time was twilight were probably the vilest. They were the ones that would take your body. They were actually the true danger. Their weapon could very possibly deliver your doom in an entirely different way. There weren't many females around, let alone young ones like me. If you lived to see menopause, you could take an easy breath and live as safely as it would ever be possible in hell's front yard. If you ever reached that age, you couldn't bear children and then worst of the repulsive men could only use you for their own sick pleasure. They couldn't breed you and sell you. You were practically useless then. But being eighteen years old and female, I was prime meat.

I glanced at his eyes. His blinking was too slow, though his clutching of my throat was strong. He was the latter of my bad luck. He was a creature to take my body. I glanced in hope of seeing the familiar red of his eyes, but I found none.

I picked my weapon for this kind of attack and held his eyes with mine. I stared directly at him. I had learned over time that some of these fuckers actually had a semblance of a conscience, and staring at them sometimes made them lose their nerve when they needed female parts to quench their need for companionship.

His eyes were cold and hard, his breath sickeningly hot against my face. He wheezed through his teeth, snarling with lust. He ripped at my already tattered jacket and then tore my thin shirt. He knocked my hat from my head, and my long braid fell to my shoulder. I knew I should have sliced my hair short. Jacob begged me to constantly so I would look more like a boy. Once again I wished that I listened to him, but much as I tried, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was all I had left of my mother, because it was just like hers, and I remembered her telling me that she loved it.

His free hand roamed down the swirls of tresses, and his eyes lit up with excitement. He tore harder at my shirt, parting it from my body, revealing the tight bandage I had choking around my breasts.

He chuckled menacingly. "What a pity you have those fine things packed away so tightly. I would really enjoy biting those nipples of yours," he hissed.

The muscles in my belly clenched automatically, though I wished they wouldn't. It would hurt all the more then, but his nasty words made my body react in way that I couldn't control. I couldn't answer, just kept my eyes on him. It wasn't working. There wasn't a shred of humanity left in him. I assessed his frame only to find it massive and as strong as his hand. I had stopped fighting for air hoping that would eventually leave him to ease his hold, and I would breathe undetected. I hoped to increase my chance of survival or at least to have the strength for a counter attack. All tricks you learned along the way.

I stared at his rigid lips and the stubble on his chin. He bared his teeth in a ghost of a sinister smile, and I knew he was a breeder. This man was the worst of the day walkers. He would breed on me until he succeeded, and when I was pregnant and swollen with child, he would sell me to the night walkers, and it was certain death for me. There was no higher, no more valuable commodity for a vampire than the blood of a baby taken from its mother's womb.

With taut muscles, I tried to lick my lips. I would let him have his way with me, as that would be the least of my concerns, and then I would fire my attack when his attention was drawn toward himself. I wouldn't let him trap me.

"Please, let me help you?" I wheezed as loudly as I could. I tried to muster a smile.

"What was that again?" He growled.

"Let me make it good for you."

"Horny little bitch, aren't you?" His lips drew back from his teeth which were an awful shade of yellow and brown. His teeth were filled with cavities, and he had rotten breath to match.

I dry heaved and I licked my lips again, feigning with every cell of my body that I was okay with his assault.

"Glad to see it's going to be pussy tonight and not some boy's ass," he snarled. "But you better be fucking tight."

I nodded woodenly. I let the bread drop into the puddle at my feet, forgoing dinner. My fingers trembled when I started to unbutton my pants to spare them the same treatment my shirt had gotten. It was the only clothing that I had.

His eyes drifted south, and I saw my opportunity. I launched my knee toward his crotch with as much force as I could muster. His hand blocked his privates and squashed around my thigh with brute force. It hurt like hell, and I cried out from the pain.

"You don't think I have you figured out, little bitch?" He laughed and forced my body back against the wall. I was sure he pressed his erection against my belly for a reason. I swallowed, feeling his rather massive size. This was going to hurt. I mentally flogged myself for not waiting for a better opening for my attack. I knew better, and now I was in for it.

I heard my pants tear before I felt the cold breeze against my thighs. I closed my eyes for a moment, readying myself for what was coming. I was hopelessly trapped between the wall and his body. A sharp pain rammed into my chest, and his cold laughter rang out. I cringed and coughed violently from the searing pain in my torso.

"Serves you fucking right for disrespecting me. You think you can knee my nuts and not pay for it?" he hissed.

I instantly tasted the blood in the back of my mouth. Fuck! Now the vampires would smell me, too. I tried to breathe, but my lungs were impaired by the traumatic shock from where he elbowed me in the ribs.

The inevitable happened almost too fast for me to register as my mind was woozy from the lack of air. With his brute strength he forced me to face the wall and closed his hands with iron strength around my wrists holding them tight at my back. I was pushed forward and smacked my head into the rough brick wall. I gritted my teeth hard when I felt him uncover my backside. I bit my tongue not to cry out as he rammed into me with punishing force. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hearing my screams as he raped me. He was rougher than I had ever been assaulted before, taking no mercy on me. I did what I always did—I focused on the fence. Mentally, I searched for any kind of breach, a weakness that would give Jacob and me our freedom. I would find it—no matter how long it took.

The impairing movements stilled from behind me, and his panting was loud. I knew he was about to finish. Now was my time, and his weak moment was here as his hand loosened around my wrists. He would be unfocused for just a few moments, but that was all I needed. He yanked out of me roughly, and I winced. I listened to his horrible sated breaths and counted to three. One, two, three.

I spun around, and this time I didn't miss a beat when I flung my knee hard into his crotch. A sickening crushing sounded, like I was actually lucky enough to smash his nuts. I rejoiced when I watched him crumble to the ground in a roar of pain. He coiled to his back with his hands clutched over his privates.

"Serves you fucking right for disrespecting me!" I echoed his words. I drew back my foot and rammed it into his nuts again, hopefully smashing the other one, too. I gathered a large amount of bloody saliva on the back of my tongue, drew a sharp breath and spit the blood soaked mucus at his face. "Fuck you, you disgusting prick!" I spat.

I gathered up my pants, luckily they still had the ability to close around my waist, but they needed a needle and thread to be truly wearable again. I felt warmth stream down my thigh and soak the fabric. I was bleeding pretty badly. I bent to pick up the soggy bread and cringed from the pain in my chest where he had punched me. I glanced up at the sky and realized that I was out of time. The night walkers were coming. I could only hope he wouldn't be starving and then I might stand a chance. I tucked the mushy bread under my arm and made a run for it. With the stinging pain between my legs becoming more forceful and the bruise in my chest, it was a lost cause. I moved as fast as I could, but it didn't take long before I felt the hairs rise on my neck— night walkers.

I stopped abruptly and bent my head. I couldn't fight the night walkers. A pig whose dick would probably never harden again I could fight, but not them. The vampires. They were invincible. I could only beg for mercy and lenience.

Before I could close my eyes, I felt the cold fingers softly graze my pulse. "Drink. Make it quick," I scoffed. I was already humiliated and in no mood to be fucking around. I knew Jacob was probably wearing a hole in the floor, pacing and awaiting my return.

"So demanding," the surprisingly gentle voice said, sounding slightly amused.

"Just get it over with," I whispered, fearing my next humiliation—tears. Those treacherous pools of fluid I would never accept. I would much rather endure this.

"I promise I'll be gentle," he mused with understanding that I had never heard in one of them. Normally they were savages, and if you were really unlucky, as I was right now, they would tear your flesh from your bones drinking from you.

Long cool fingers laced across my forehead, tilting my head up and away from my submissive pose. He kept craning my head back until it landed on his shoulder, resting calmly. My nerves made my blood run furiously through my veins, but I guessed that was just appetizing for someone like him. "Relax," he whispered. Inexplicably, I did relax, my pain started to disintegrate. The stabbing in my chest and the burning at the apex of my thighs subsided. I took a deep breath and a surprisingly gentle grass-like smell sifted through my nostrils. It was a calming and soothing smell, not the vile death and decaying odor many of the vampires were sporting.

I knew he dug his teeth into the flesh of my neck, but I didn't feel pain there either. Normally it hurt like hell, like a branding iron pressed into your skin. On the outside of the fence, the general idea was that a vampire bite was exotic and sensual, not that I understood the concept of something erotic, but nothing was further from the truth. Only this bite felt like a gentle graze of fingers at sore flesh. I felt the suction from his mouth as he pulled my blood from my body. He sucked in long, thirsty pulls, and I could hear his swallowing noises as my blood passed through his throat. I closed my eyes and leaned back against his hard chilling body, feeling sleepy.

"Don't sleep," he murmured thickly, sounding like he had an overflow of blood in his mouth. I heard him swallow again, like he was gulping down remnants of blood. Cold lips kissed my neck, and a gentle pressure of his tongue sealed the multiple punctures from his teeth. He kissed me again. Almost like I imagined a gentle lover would do. "Thank you."

Wow, a polite vampire. Who knew; perhaps the fucking rapist could learn some of his manners. I frowned as I wanted to spin around to see him, but I knew it was fruitless. He would be gone within my next heartbeat. I felt a slight push against my back as he forced my body from his. As fast as they appeared, his hands were gone from my forehead. The pain was back in a flash and tenfold. I suddenly remembered my priorities, and I needed to get to the drain before the next bad thing would wash over me. I wasn't sure how much more I could take for tonight. I had been raped, drained and lost dinner all in one single hour.

I stumbled forward feeling like every single rib in my chest had been broken and like someone was continuously stabbing dull needles into my female parts.

I had to use all my force to pull back the grate and shimmy through. The iron complained as it smashed back against the concrete. I drew a sigh of relief as I jammed the split and locked it.

"Bella?" I heard a voice echo though the narrow claustrophobic halls. "Bella, Bella?"

"Yeah." I croaked, bracing my hands against my knees.

"Are you safe?" Jacob yelled.

"Sort of," I wheezed. His footsteps faltered, and I lifted my head up to peer at him. His lips vanished into a rigid line when he saw me.

"Which one?" he asked. He carefully examined my ruined clothes.

"Both," I whispered, really feeling the devastation and humiliation now.

"I'm so sorry." He grabbed my shoulders and helped straighten me to walk the last bit to the cellar. I took wobbly steps towards my home, the cold and clammy room that provided a roof over our heads, but not much more than that.

"You need to be washed," he stated, not a question.

"I do," I muttered. "As fast as possible."

Back in the room Jacob uncovered the remedies for a wash. They were practically our only belongings. He put on a kettle to boil the water set aside for just such an event. He found the tube and the funnel, and I avoided even looking at it. I gently sat down on the moldy mattress, putting as little pressure as possible on my backside.

"I'll manage," I said curtly. Jacob stared at me but said nothing. He came over and helped me out of the jacket and my ruined shirt. I winced with every movement of my muscles. He prodded softly with his skilled fingers around my chest and made an assessment.

"Two broken ribs." He paused. "I'll do it. or you'll puncture a lung." Sure, Jacob was younger than me, but he was wise beyond his years. Scraping by with just your fingernails, you were bound to attract that quality.

I sighed. I knew I wouldn't be able to wash out what the vile man left inside me good enough, so I just nodded in agreement. I lay back, trying effortlessly to relax as Jacob rushed to get the water cooled to body temperature. He peeled my ruined pants down and off my legs. "You're bleeding a lot," he stated quietly.

"I know," I agreed. The rape had been violent, and I would have been surprised if I wasn't bleeding.

I heard him fiddle around, metal bowls hitting the concrete floor. "I'm going to start now," he informed quietly. Once again, I made do with a simple head nod. I felt his familiar hand at my thighs as he pushed my legs apart, and I tried not to hiss as it hurt like hell. My flesh was throbbing and swelling. Jacob growled profanities under his breath when he examined the extent of my trauma this time. "This is going hurt." I felt him insert the rubber tube into me, and I bit my tongue as the edges of it scraped my broken insides. Tears pooled in my eyes, and anger surged inside of me like a mad man.

"Relax," Jacob reminded me. I felt his friendly stroke at my thigh. It was soothing. There was never anything romantic between us, nor would there ever be. I would never willingly give my body to anyone. I didn't see the point. He swore that he would never want to take one. That was the deal we made the first time he had to do my wash after a rape. This was the third time—practice made perfect I guessed. I was glad he never showed his disgust with my body as deplorable as it was. A disgusting used shell that held my brain, and I only saw it as a vessel to get from A to B.

I felt the warm water rush inside me as he started to cleanse my body from the vile mans seed. It took a while.

"Done," he said quietly and started packing everything away. I watched him pour another bowl of water and soaked a cloth into it. He sat down beside me and ran the cloth over my arm. He drenched it again and forced the water from the fibers. He ran it over my face and tilted my head up to examine the bite marks. "Those aren't too bad," he said and washed the area. He soaked the cloth once more and ran it over my stomach. He repeated this ritual with every inch of my body, like that would cleanse me from the attack. "Did you get him this time?" he asked.

"I did. I smashed his goddamn nuts."

"Good for you, Bella."

"I lost the bread."

"That's okay; I wasn't hungry anyway." Jacob shrugged.

"Liar."

Jacob smiled softly. "Get some sleep. I'll finish this." I glanced at the bowl with the bloody water and shuddered. Jacob pulled his shirt off and slipped it over my body. All we had were the clothes on our backs. Now I was really feeling how unfair my world was. I curled my abused body into a fetal position and pulled the sheet to my chin while I fought the pressing tears.

Jacob climbed into bed some time later when I was checked out of this world. We shared the bed for several reasons. We only had this one lumpy mattress, and it was easier to keep warm when holding each other. Last but not least, it kept the nightmares away on a night like this.

"Your period was two weeks ago," Jacob sighed. He knew everything about me—even this.

"I know," I lied. I didn't really keep track, but that just made it an even worse night for a rape.

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***Runs and ducks* Sorry, lovelies, I don't get a kick out of torturing Bella and this was hell to write. **

**I hope you will share your opinion with me.**


	3. The Loss

**First of all thank you to all of you who dared to take a chance on this story. **

**FYI, I have added on my own twist to SM's vamps, so don't expect them to sparkle.**

**Huge thanks to SaritaDreaming for beta'ing this rather dark and twisted tale. **

**Bella's not out of the woods yet… Nuff said.**

**Enjoy…**

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Chapter Two

The Loss

Food was sparse, and I was a sitting duck now.

The men that walked the day could no longer see me; I had to keep hidden. And the men that walked the night would smell me and the rich blood that ran in my veins, no doubt. Jacob was not the greatest to provide the food, and our ribs were becoming too prominent and our cheeks were hollowing. We were starving. But we weren't the only ones; all humans inside the fence were fighting for the scraps of food available.

It was only one of the ways to let us feel the heavy weight of the Volturi's heel keeping us down. They controlled us. Even incarcerated, deprived of the life we should have had, they took pleasure in showing us just how small and insignificant we really were. We did not matter to them. It was as if they took sick pleasure studying our behavior like mice in a glass show case. They kept the food from coming just to see what that would do to the human race. The Volturi was playing with us.

However, an empty stomach hardly felt like a game to me.

I had more than an empty stomach to worry about. We had tried everything under the sun to remove the baby from my body, but it was to no avail. It was still soundly growing inside of me, and made my belly swollen. The wash hadn't worked; neither had the metal wire Jacob had poked into my uterus, or the violent physical activity, or the rape that followed. Nothing had been able to make me lose the baby. So now I was facing death. Every day it was getting harder to conceal my pregnancy, and Jacob often refused to let me help provide the food. He insisted that I kept hidden in our cellar. He knew as well as I did, if anyone saw me, the breeders would stop at nothing to get to me. They wanted my baby; everyone wanted the baby, and, unfortunately, every day I was finding it harder to let it go.

I wondered how the child could keep growing when I put next to nothing in my mouth, and I was feeling weaker by the day. My world was a cesspool of danger, but I was at the brink of not caring. What was worse? Starving to death in our damp home or bleed to death by a vampire bite? Did it even matter anymore? Death would be the outcome no matter how it was served.

The idea of ending my days was becoming increasingly more appealing, and if it wasn't for Jacob, I would probably have done it by now. I had no future, so why fight for the next sunrise? I didn't see the point, but Jacob did; his twin baby sisters were on the other side of that fence, and he was getting back to them. Jacob was the lucky one; he was merely serving time and had six months left of hell to endure, then he would see the outside of the fence again. He would see the frail girls that were his only family. He would have food to put in his stomach and money from his parents' death to buy it. He was only here because the settlement had taken so long to arrive, and back then he had learned how a hollow stomach felt. He had stolen one loaf of bread and two apples, and, as mentioned, he is an utterly useless thief, and he got caught. The punishment was one and a half years behind the fence. It was our time's version of a prison: an old abandoned town enclosed by a fence.

We had spent many days when the light was bright scanning the fence for any kind of breach—a tree, a place to dig underneath, a place to cut the wire, a place to circumvent the electricity—but we had found nothing. There was no way out. We had scaled the gates, the only point of opening, but it was too heavily guarded and mined with traps. You would get burned, decapitated, chopped into pieces, fed to vampires gone rogue or bred to death with violent rapes and grotesque births. We were helplessly trapped; I was more so than Jacob. He would once again taste freedom, a prerogative that I didn't have as I was in for life.

"I'm coming," I insisted.

"Bella," Jacob sighed.

"End of story. We need to eat," I finished harshly.

"Okay," Jacob finally acquiesced. The bones in his chest were starting to poke my back when he held me at night. His arms were thinning and his eyes growing dull. I guessed I looked much the same way.

I pulled on my jacket which Jacob had inexplicably been able to mend so many times now it was ridiculous. We were in desperate need to find new clothes, but when you can't even fill your stomach, where did you find money or means for clothes? We had nothing to bargain with, nothing to sell.

We closed the rusty gate to the drain. I glanced at the rare cloudless winter sky. The rays of the sun were fiercely bright but without any kind of warmth to heat our skin. The frosty wind swept through the streets. We passed the small shops where they barely had food as the Volturi hadn't found mercy to provide the starving human inmates with as much as dry bread or rotten potatoes.

Ruling the world, spending money on making the rich richer, was the main target for the Volturi. They couldn't be bothered with the scum of the race, let alone spend money on us. That was the how and why of creating these types of prisons. Keep us locked up and let us fend for ourselves. That was a bargain they could not refuse. The price tag was imperceptible, and therefore, the Volturi favored keeping us like mice in an exhibition to watch and study.

However, yesterday it had been announced that rations, including clothes, were coming through. Most people huddled at the entrance, but not us. With their attention drawn away from us, a few tricks and long fingers would be enough.

We passed the fence for the millionth time, and Jacob slowed his pace. It was pointless to use the time on this unsolvable myth when the hours of daylight were so few and we would once more be condemned to our moist cellar. I refused to slow down or acknowledge what was on the other side. I found I had lost something else – hope.

The screams could be heard from the outskirts of our hell. Then the loud drumming of hundreds of feet that pounded the asphalt just before the gunshots ricocheted from the other side of the fence. The pressure had once again been too much for the guards, and they had fired into the crowd. Today more people would die, and the blood would draw out the night walkers; the vampires would come out to feed soon enough. The hoard moved towards us at immense speed, and we were suddenly overrun by the agitated crowd as the screams and squeals sounded all around us. Mostly it was all men that by day pretended to be desperate for food and clothes, but by night they were rapists or breeders. They were the ones that wanted me.

I started to panic as I was swallowed up by the frantic throng. I missed feeling my strength and instincts from before I became a bull's eye inside the fence. I heard Jacob call my name repeatedly when we were pulled in opposite directions by the mob running from the guns. I wondered shortly if I placed myself in front of their barrels would they shoot me and would I be free of here?

I tried to fight my way through the abundance of arm and legs, faces and bodies, but I was only carried farther away from him. I was lost in the mayhem of people's panic. My footing vanished, and the asphalt hit my face faster than I thought possible. I blacked out when someone stepped on my head—I was too weak.

A sharp pain shot up my fingers as I tried to curl them into a fist in instinctive self defense. I peeled my lids open to stare directly into the black tarmac. I grunted from the pain that was everywhere in my body. I guessed it was similar to if I had had a date with the baseball bat, but I hadn't been holding it – I had been the ball. I stared at my hand as I could make out a multitude of shoe prints on my fist and arm. I had literally been run over by the angry mob. But it was quiet now – almost. That could only mean one thing. We hadn't gotten our hands on any of the food or clothes.

I tuned into the almost silence, and I recognized the sound. It was fists hitting bodies. In the dusk I saw his shoulders where two men held him, as a third pounded on him. For what good did it do them? He had nothing they wanted; we hadn't gotten to any of the food.

The light disappeared behind the buildings. It would only be minutes now and the vampires would be out, too.

"Jacob!" I screamed. He growled something I couldn't make out and spat a large amount of blood to the ground as he hung limply between the two men. "Jacob," I shouted again as I scrambled to my feet and tore up the asphalt trying to get to him. I pushed back the pain that was screaming from every cell of my body as I fought to reach him.

I had no plan of attack; all I knew was that I had to save him. I had to stop them from pounding on him. He was just a boy, nothing like the men tearing him up with their brute strength. Jacob, the boy who was able to smile though he was trapped in hell, didn't deserve this.

His smile was actually how we had met. Trying to scam his way out of getting caught sneaking a burned lump of bread into his pocket, his smile was what I focused on. It was what I saw. I couldn't remember the last time that I used that gesture. Could I even smile anymore? I wasn't sure.

He did get caught, and fleeing down the streets, beating feet, trying his best to lose his pursuer, I had helped him take refuge in my cellar. The abandoned drain on the outskirts of the ratty town was the place where I was left alone, because people opted for the houses to make a home, not a forgotten sewer drain leading down to a damp basement. We stayed together from then on, starting by sharing that scorched piece of bread.

I heard the loud bang and watched Jacob's neck start to bleed profusely. His sagging body sank to the ground, and he didn't move anymore. I screamed agonizingly as the only thing I had left in this world was bleeding heavily before my very eyes.

"Get the girl," a low voice demanded.

"Jacob!" I screamed again, trying to claw my way to him. Falling to my knees, the blood soaked his long raven hair that had been yanked from its ponytail. My fingers found purpose on his face, stroking his cheeks as his troubled breathing started to ebb.

"Please, Jacob. Please don't leave me here."

Hands started to yank at my clothes, but I fought back, using my nails. They met something soft and wet.

"Jake, your baby sisters. They need you," I sobbed.

His eyes suddenly flickered to mine, alert and resolved. He tried to speak, but blood only trickled from the corner of his mouth. He coughed weakly, fighting for that vital breath as his eyes lost focus.

My fist locked in his hair, and I knew he was gone. My Jacob didn't survive hell.

My chest ached with unspeakable pain.

I didn't notice the silence before I was hit. I didn't see the fist coming as it smashed into my chest. I lost consciousness again.

I opened my eyes gasping for air with Jacob's name rolling soundlessly from my lips. It couldn't be much later, but there was a different commotion and something metallic skidded across the street, stopping in front of me.

Pungent and sickening noises sounded along with strangled cries for help. I glanced upward and directly into the cold, unforgiving eyes of an icy blond vampire draining the body of a man. He was sucking hard as the twitching of the body he was holding subsided. The evil stare shot down my spine like acid, and I knew with absolute certainty that I was not going out like that.

I felt the cold merciless metal in my hand, and I locked my fingers hard around the handle. I tilted the barrel towards my chin and pressed the hard metal against my skin. I was sure this would work just fine – better than fine actually. It would be quick and painless, opposed to the lifeless man hanging dead from the vampire's mouth in front of me. I squeezed the trigger of the gun.

"You don't get that chance, sweetheart," a cold voice rang out, and I no longer felt the gun in my hand. I lifted my eyes, blinded by tears and stared coldly at him. The crimson in his eyes were prominent and his skin was pale. Another vampire.

"You wanna finish the job?" I hissed morbidly.

He didn't answer, just stuffed the gun into his waistband while he stared at me perplexed. He yanked me up by the collar of my jacket, and I hung there like a rag doll. He gasped horrified when he glanced down my body. "You stupid girl. Why didn't you get rid of that thing?" he hissed.

"You don't think I tried?" I countered and cocked a brow at him. He just growled under his breath as he pulled me along. Dragged down the street, I noticed a third vampire. He seemed younger, lanky, but precise and swift in his movements as he blurred past my eyes. Cold fingers closed over my vision and darkness was the only thing that was left. I let myself sink into the blackness, hoping it would last forever.

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***Clears throat* Not sure when next chapter will be alone, cross your fingers and we will see. **

**I'm on Twitter - Elvirina_Nelly, come find me.**

**I hope you will share a thought or two with me. **

***Waves***


	4. A World Within A World

**I wish I was Stephenie Meyer, but clearly I am not. I just have an obsession.**

**Thank you to SaritaDreaming for betaing this. **

**I think it's time you meet the vamps. Remember, this is not exactly SM's version of a vampire, but my own.**

**I hope you like it.**

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Chapter Three

A World Within a World

I ran my hand over the unfamiliar stone floor, feeling the subtle warmth and not the damp and cold cement that I was so used to. There were no longer hands covering my eyes, and I was free to peel them open. I stared around at the rather homey room where there was furniture, a fireplace that was crackling softly, and a dry floor, but that wasn't going to fool me.

The room wasn't empty for long as I saw one of them gently leave two nets filled with food on the table. A skittish woman appeared from the shadows and with dainty fingers she started unpacking fruit, flour, grains, butter, sugar, and cheese. There was even about a pound of meat. I couldn't remember the last time that I had meat. My mouth instantly flooded with saliva at the look and faint smell of all these edible things. It was an involuntary bodily response, but my body wouldn't listen to my mind; it only screamed for the food. The woman obliviously kept unpacking items from the second bag. She pulled out two huge balls of yarn. She smiled gratefully and set them aside gingerly.

"Eat something, and then come to my room," the tall dark-haired one said emotionlessly when he appeared out of nowhere. I flinched at the sudden movement. The woman's breath hitched like she suddenly was aware of my presence. How could she not have seen me sitting here in the middle of the room? Her fingers abruptly started trembling, and she was about to drop the juice she was holding.

The lanky one who had left the food on the table stepped to her side. He gently lay his fingers around her wrist and the tremors stopped. "Rose," he whispered, and then murmured something else that I couldn't hear. She nodded slightly in response without taking her eyes off me.

"Would you like an orange? I'll peel it for you," she offered in a tiny voice.

I stared at her wide eyed and then at the food. Sure, there was a lot of it, but I had never experienced anyone willingly sharing and thereby forgoing something that would eventually end up in their own belly. I wanted to respond, but I was paralyzed.

The woman's bony fingers dug into the peel and started ribbing it off, freeing the orange meat inside. The sweet and vibrant smell of the fruit spread into the room, and I was horribly aware of how empty my stomach was. It snarled ferociously, screaming for the orange. I was desperately hoping that she would still give to me.

The frail woman sucked in a deep breath and took a tentative step towards me. She held the peeled orange out towards me. It took everything inside of me not to rip it from her hand, taking her arm off. I felt the soft, moist skin of the orange against my fingers, and I nearly fainted at the scent. Then I lost any restraint I had and dug my teeth feverishly into it, breaking the skin and letting all that sweet juice drench my mouth. I devoured the orange and was instantly hungry for more. My eyes fled to the table, still laced with the groceries left to be unpacked.

"No more," the lanky one said apathetically as he moved around the gloomy lit space. His face was cloaked by the shadows, and I couldn't assess his mood in the dim light. It made me a bit edgy because vampires were volatile and irrational, though I had never been in a lair before.

The timid woman nodded softly in response and put down the second orange.

"So what am I doing here?" I spat to remove my focus from the food. It was unbearable seeing it when I was utterly famished.

"Name's Edward," he replied evenly. I knew he gazed down at me, but I still couldn't see his face properly.

"I don't give a shit what your name is!" Once upon a time I had been an average teenager, probably a sweet girl with a nice smile and proper language, but that was a long time ago, and the streets inside of the fence were harsh and unforgiving. I had adapted to my surroundings as a means of survival. I had grown a foul mouth and an attitude to match. The sweet girl I once was, was long gone.

"You better watch your mouth around here!" The tank-like one ordered icily when he suddenly returned to the room. "And your manners," he said while gazing disapprovingly at my face. "Get her cleaned up."

"Fuck you," I spat. He didn't get to tell me what to do. He would have to kill me before that happened.

He turned slowly, staring at me menacingly. "Did I not just warn you?" he hissed low and frosty. "Which part of that was too hard for you to understand?"

I didn't answer, just shifted my eyes to stare stubbornly into nothing. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of bossing me around. I had no boss; I only had myself now. I pushed the flaring image of Jacob's bleeding body back. I would deal with that later – if I had a later. That was truly the matter at hand.

"Edward," the large dark-haired vampire said stoically.

"I'll take care of it," he responded squarely.

I stared at them. Take care of what? My arms coiled protectively across my stomach though it was what would be my death. I couldn't help it. Were they talking my baby now? "Take care of what?" I dared before the ignorance would eat me up.

"Getting you cleaned up."

"Why?" I wondered. Why would they even bother?

"Why?" The large one laughed coldly. "Because you're stinking up my place, and I won't tolerate it." His eyes shifted and the red glare practically started to glow. "Now. Rose," he ordered, void of sentiment, and he left without another word.

I stared at the woman as she hardly responded to the vampire with more than a blink of an eye. I instantly felt horrible for her deplorable state. I would rather be on the street dying than being forced to do unspeakable things by a cold vampire like the heartless one that just left the room.

"What's he doing to her?" I asked, though I had a pretty strong idea. It was the only thing they ever did with a human—drain them from their life's essence.

"Feeding," the one named Edward responded. So she was here as a blood bank to them all? How convenient for them. Bastards.

"I figured," I muttered under my breath. "So when will you get around to killing me or will you just drain me like that poor woman?"

He didn't answer me, but just left the room. _Not__now,_ I guessed. I slowly licked the remainders of orange juice from my fingers. I contemplated how far I would get with that other orange before the vampires would stop me. It was pretty clear they weren't going to waste more food on me.

"Follow me, please," Edward said matter-of-factly, suddenly back in the room.

"No," I refused.

"You can walk, or I will do the walking for you," he stated flatly, not really threatening.

I just gritted my teeth, and stayed put.

"Very well," he sighed like he was exasperated. Before I knew what hit me, he had me on my feet with his hand locked like a tourniquet around my bicep. I was suddenly confused as something familiar wafted past my nose. It was pleasant, soft, and welcoming. It was the smell of a light summer breeze and fresh cut grass from my childhood. I knew that scent from somewhere other than my childhood memories.

I willed my body into taking steps next to the vampire because I figured he would have no problem biting my legs off if I didn't corporate. I was pulled down a dark hallway, and my heart started racing, pumping my blood violently. So stupid. Why would my body insist on serving myself up like a meal? Where was he taking me? Probably to some sort of a dungeon where I would be chained to a wall, like that other woman—Rose.

He opened a door to another sparsely lit room and pushed me inside. It took a few moments for me to get my bearings because it was nothing like I expected. It was still the granite boulder walls, but it was warm as the rest of the place with a huge wooden bathtub. A large faucet mounted on the wall was pouring masses of water into it. Running water; that was a rarity around here.

"Take your clothes off," he said evenly.

I swallowed convulsively. I had been down this road before, just not with a vampire. The rapists had never asked me to take my clothes off; they just got on with their business. So here I was with a death wish, in a vampire lair. I wanted to leave this world, but the last thing I wanted go was to die begging on my knees. I was going out with my head held high. He couldn't break me.

I unbuttoned my pants, ignoring the throb in my broken fingers, letting them slip to the ground. Next I was my out of my shirt and then my soiled top.

"Get in," he ordered without even casting a glancing at me. He just kept fiddling with something white in a small box placed on a wooden bench. I was confused, and just stared at him. I held my stance in front of him, naked as the day I was born.

He finally looked at me, and light fell on his face, revealing his features. They were angular, sharp, not particularly pretty or handsome, just strong. His eyes were deep set and with blood red orbs. His lips were full, slightly pale and the nose was actually rather nice.

He turned humanly slow, and straightened his back, gazing directly back at me. "Your naked breasts or your crotch will not affect me. So you can give up whatever it is you're trying to do, because it won't happen. Now, get in the tub," he deadpanned.

Confused as ever, because I had never _not_ been taken, I did as I was ordered. It was probably for the first time in a while. I submerged my body into the surprisingly warm water. I stared down at my arms and for the first time I noticed how soiled my skin had become. It had been months since I had a good wash. Jacob never complained, and neither did I as we were deteriorating together as time passed.

"Wash. I'll be back," he ordered, and handed me a bar of soap and a washcloth. I nodded woodenly because everything was so unexpected. I didn't know up from down as I hadn't been treated this kindly for at least three years. I started washing my body with my good hand beginning at my toes and working my way up.

"Give me your hand."

I yelped at his sudden presence. "God... make a fucking noise!" I muttered under my breath.

"I'll remember that," he said, and then actually smiled thinly. "Your hand," he prompted.

"What are you going to do?" I asked carefully, wondering if he would sink his teeth into my wrist.

"Reset your fingers."

"Oh," I mumbled surprised.

"They will set wrong if I don't, and it will be hard for you to use your hand." He moved and sat down on the edge of the tub. Purposely ignoring the fact I was still naked.

I held out my hand for him, and I observed my fingers were cold and set in a sickeningly angle from my palm. He coiled his cold fingers around my wrist and my entire hand went numb. I took a deep breath and smelled that relaxing summer smell again. The idea of running barefooted and happy over a lawn with soft green grass came to mind. I remembered that smell from earlier. I stared up at him as the familiarity washed over me, though I had never seen his face. He was the polite fucking vampire who had once taken my blood.

"I know you," I breathed.

"Yes," he answered evenly. I heard the snap as he pulled my fingers back into place, but I felt nothing. It was like the time he had bitten me, that night I had been battered and bruised, but he hadn't exactly hurt me. He held his hand around my waist and reached for a flat metal rod. "This will hurt." I stared at the rod wide eyed, scared what that was for. What kind of torture appliance could that be? He chuckled under his breath. "It's not what you think." He slowly released my wrist and pain started throbbing in my hand.

"Aw." I winced as the pain intensified. I suddenly understood what he meant. Removing his hand he removed my painkiller.

He swiftly bent the rod, shaping the metal like it was made from wax, before he slipped it onto my fingers where it worked as a makeshift splint. Then taped it firmly to my pinky and ring finger.

"Nice." I admired his handy work, mentally flogging myself for not thinking like this whenever Jacob or I had broken fingers or toes in the past—it had been a reoccurring event with stealing food.

He wrapped his cool fingers around my wrist again, and the pain went away. I looked up at his face again. Now that he hadn't hurt me, it looked less harsh. "You control pain," I stated.

"I do." He paused. "Did you wash?"

"As much as I could."

He didn't respond, but just picked up the washcloth and pulled me forward tugging on my bad hand.

"How do you do that? I mean control the pain?"

"It's a mind trick." He softly ran the cloth up and down my back, washing me. It felt nice. "You really are much too thin," he muttered.

I snorted. "Starving will do that to you."

It was silent for a moment, and somehow I enjoyed not being treated like the scum of the earth.

"How far along are you?" he asked gently. He actually had a rather soothing voice now that I thought about it.

"About five months."

"Was your mate the father?"

I sighed. The vampire mentioning Jacob made an unexpected pain flare inside of me, and I gritted my teeth. It felt like air was being sucked from my lungs like a vacuum. "He wasn't my mate. He was my friend," I managed to say. My throat started to close.

"Rape then?" he continued unabashed.

"Of course," I countered. "The night you bit me."

"I see," he answered, void of any kind of emotion. He dropped the cloth into the water. "I have to let go of your hand again."

I nodded in compliance, battling the images of Jacob lying wounded and broken on the ground. I managed to take a breath, getting the air into my aching chest.

Edward's weight shifted, and I felt him lift the long braid from my shoulder. Before I could react it was no longer attached to my head. I shifted to stare horrified at him as anger surged inside of me. I sneered at him. "You had no fucking right to do that!" I hissed. The long braid fell across my raised knees. He had cut my hair off. Cold fingers made the pain in my hand lessen again.

"I know," he answered sympathetically. "But it was matted and filled with vermin—lice," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh," I muttered. I stared at the dark, severed braid. It was pretty nasty, I knew that, but I had ignored that purposefully. Cutting off my hair, he had severed the only bond I had left of my mother. Now there was nothing left. I suddenly felt horribly empty. I had lost everything. It was a good thing I had a lot of practice with blocking painful memories.

"I have to let go of your hand once more," he informed me like he was reading a piece of legal paper to me.

"Whatever," I bit out, and the throbbing in my hand was back.

A cool, thick liquid landed on the top of my head, and I smelled the horrible scent of the delousing shampoo. I had tried to get some as both Jacob and I could have used a good scrubbing with that, but it had been impossible to get our hands on something like that. I felt his firm fingers work over my scalp before a fine-toothed comb raked over my head.

The water was cooling when I was getting out. I was left alone to dry off, and I put on some new and unfamiliar clothes that he had left for me. I laced my fingers into my surprisingly light hair and felt the large curls run wildly over my head. I couldn't believe my hair was short. I'd never had it short.

I pushed back the loss as there wasn't a damn thing to do about it now. I carefully stepped into the hall that was partially lit from an open door a little further down. I could just make out a frail feminine body curled up on a bed. I hoped he hadn't sucked the life out of her.

I decided not to check on her because she wasn't really my concern right now, even though she had been nice to me. I passed several doors, and I found myself in the large room again.

All three of them were here now, and a sliver of fear ran coldly down my spine as I locked eyes with the truly hateful one. He pulled his lips back from his teeth and snarled at me. It was like he was almost crouched and ready to attack me, ready to rip my throat open.

"Jasper! Get out!" The large and serious one hissed. Before I could blink, he was gone, only leaving a whirlwind of confusion behind. Great, another name; I had two now, Jasper and Edward. So far I liked Edward the best; there wasn't much about Jasper to like.

The food unpacked by the woman had been put away. It was replaced by a plate with two small pieces of bread with a thin layer of butter spread on them joined by a glass of water.

"Eat," Edward said.

"Not very verbose... are we?" I muttered under my breath and sat down. I noticed him chuckle lightly before turning away from me. The tall, cold one stared at me from his stance beside the fireplace, not saying another word. "What?" I scoffed narrowing my eyes at him.

"Nothing," he snarled.

"Emmett?" Edward said evenly and handed him an identical plate, only this one was filled with an abundance of delicacies, all of which made my mouth water. "Rose didn't have time to eat," he said quietly. The other one took the plate without as much as a thank you.

A third name—Emmett. There we go, the names of three vampires... what the hell was I supposed to do now?

I swallowed the bread and downed the water in about three and a half seconds. "Can I have more?" I lifted my eyes defiantly to Edward.

"No," he answered evenly again.

"I see... differential treatment," I countered, glaring back at him, feeling a little insulted that the submissive blood bank was allowed more food than I was.

"No. Your body is starving and won't understand masses of food. You'll get sick if you eat too much," he answered in that matter-of-fact way again.

I stared right back at him, stunned. Was he actually protecting me?

"What is your name?" he asked softly, his red eyes glowing.

"Bella," I whispered.

"If you're done here, follow me, please."

Suddenly feeling so overwhelmed, the only thing I did was follow. I was too distraught to see potential traps laid out for me. He moved back down the hall, entering a room almost at the end. "You will sleep in here." He paused. "Goodnight." Edward left abruptly after that. Visually, I followed his retreating from vanishing into another room before I entered the one supposedly assigned to be mine.

I stared at the luxurious room. It felt so foreign that my body was protesting the reality of the situation. This couldn't possibly be real. There was a chest of drawers and a large bed with actual bedding. Bending, I traced my fingers over the crisp sheets. The last time I'd seen sheets like these was the night before I left for Italy. Sitting down, the clean smell wafted to my nose, and my heart started to break.

Exhaustion started to drag me away, taking me into oblivion. I curled up on the bed, pulling the covers over my head. Instinctually, my body waited for Jacob's arms to encircle me, his legs to tangle with mine, but it never happened and never would again. Sobs wracked my body as I lay still, feeling utterly alone in the world, my mind shattered with grief and confusion.

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**That is it for now, not sure when the next chapter will be along, though hopefully soon.**

**I hope you liked it and that I will receive a few comments.**

**In the mean time I'm posting a drabble called Out of Oblivion. Check it out. It has a bit of smut, too.**

**If you're on Twitter come find me. Elvirina_Nelly**

**I'm out.**


	5. Losing Anchor

**These wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just get a kick out of playing around with them. The plot, however, belongs to me.**

**Thank you to all of you who added me to your alerts and chose to comment. I love reading your thoughts to my story.**

**SaritaDreaming is blessing me with her skills helping me Beta this story.**

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Chapter Four

Losing Anchor

Cold sweat covered my entire body, and a scream was building in my throat. I swallowed convulsively and tried to slow my breath. I had nightmares now. It seemed the further I was pulled from the violence on the streets, the more real it became in my dreams.

I bounced around the bed, searching for Rose's warm hand, but all I found were empty sheets. I sighed. The coldhearted bastard must have needed her services again.

I shared a room with Rose now. I liked her for the most part, but she was a complex person with so many moods and trigger points, and it was hard to keep up with her.

She never told me anything about herself. Every time I asked, she would just get this vacant stare in her eyes and fall completely silent. She could stay catatonic like this until Emmett eventually barked an order at her or called her to his room. I hated he did it, that he used her like that, but what I hated more was the she never put up a fight or as much as lifted a brow at Emmett's inhumane need.

Sitting up, I was suddenly horribly aware of the breathing coming from somewhere in the dark room. The snarling hissing breath that was menacingly calm. A chill of fear shot down my spine as I saw the red glaring eyes, trained directly in on me.

I didn't even blink as those hungry eyes suddenly hovered over me. It only took one quick leap for him to reach me. Pushed back on the bed, Jasper was crouched over me, bearing his teeth, grazing his cold finger over my carotid. The icy feel of his skin startled me, making me aware how close I was to once more lose everything that I had. It seemed ironic it was happening now that life was bearable again.

I wouldn't accept it.

Sucking in a deep breath I did the only thing that I could. I didn't want to be the victim anymore. I refused. Using all the air that I had in my lungs, aiming for the one shot I had to save myself and my baby, I screamed.

"EDWARD!"

The sound rippled through the halls, ricocheting off the walls and drifting into whatever room he was in. I think it happened in less than a second that Jasper's body was ripped from its crouch over me, and I was hurled behind Edward's protective stance.

Even Emmett had come to my rescue as he slammed Jasper's body into the wall with so much force that the wall complained and splinters of rock fell to the floor.

Jasper didn't put up a fight, but instead let himself be dragged from the room, with an almost apologetic look into those glowering menacing eyes.

That was when panic set in, and I collapsed, shattered, to the bed, like a glass vase hitting a stone floor. My sobs were uncontrollable and every pain I had ever experienced returned with punishing force. This was much like how I had looked three weeks ago when I came here. This was what happened when I had realized that I lost Jacob. My only friend in the world had died in my hands.

It had been the day after my arrival that had I lost my sanity. I couldn't hold back the pain and realization that Jacob was really gone, that he was dead, that he had been killed. Emmett had hissed at me for my irrational behavior, and I had lunged at him trying to strike him with my fist in frustration. Strangely, it was Edward who had given me what I needed. He had been a physical restraint, holding me firmly until I stopped fighting him, then he had taken me to his room and explained calmly he knew I was grieving and that he understood.

As I wept and withered on the bed now, I felt cold hands travel over my back, trying to make my hiccups ebb. Feeling distraught and so utterly alone in this world where I could handle all the unkindness it had to offer, Edward's gentle approach was so hard to bear, and it broke me all over again. He was so kind at my utmost exposed moments that all I could do was crawl into his lap and seek the solace that he was offering. I didn't understand it, nor did I know what to do with it. So right now the only way to deal was to forget about protecting myself and surrender to a kindness I knew I was a fool for trusting.

Hours down the road, when my limbs were stiff and my face was swollen from tears, I crawled from his embrace and lay down on the bed.

Edward was the one I had gotten to know, the one I understood for the most part. In the beginning, I saw him as cold and detached, void of emotions and humanity, but I had learned nothing was further from the truth. He just had a very practical and scientific way of going about things. He was never overtly emotional, lacing things in sobbing heartbreaking details or letting the gory misery of my state get to him. This was what I understood.

Like right now, as he lay down next to me, facing me, his eyes were curious. He frowned a bit. "Why are you even here, Bella?"

Wiping my face from the last falling tears, my voice was rough and my throat ached. "I'm here because I kicked up a storm that I shouldn't have. I pissed off the wrong guy, and he got his delicate feelings hurt."

"Will you tell me about it?" Edward prompted.

"Sure. It only goes to prove how naïve I was." I paused. Blocking memories of my parents was where I was truly talented. I tried never to think about them, and with practice came skill. So willingly agreeing to talk about them I knew I was setting myself up for more agony. And inside the fence there wasn't any point in indulging in feelings about people that I would never see again. However, I wanted to put what happened to Jasper to the back of my mind, and what better way to do that than to dig up other painful episodes.

"You know, originally I'm from Phoenix. I suppose my parents still live there. It all happened when I was fifteen. Three other students and I won a trip to Italy. We never thought in a million years that we would win, but we did. We wrote an essay on staying young forever but how we never stop maturing. It was silly, really." I paused, trying to gather my scattered thoughts. I wasn't sure going down the road of how I ended up miserable and pregnant behind the fence was really very wise, but I wanted to keep talking. I suddenly realized I wanted Edward to know.

"We were supposed to stay in Italy for two weeks, being chaperoned around the sights, being catered to. And we were. Basically it was like a luxury road trip. So one day, a few days before we were leaving to go back to Phoenix, one of our guides was really excited because we were going to his home town. Volterra. You heard of it?" I asked when Edward's body tensed, like a bomb set to explode.

"Yeah, I've heard of it. I don't think there's a vampire that hasn't. Go on," he encouraged after a moment. Edward's immensely strong body seemed to relax next to me when he willed it to. I stared at him suspiciously for a moment, narrowing my eyes. He didn't explain, so I chose to continue.

"That night, I was asked out on my first date. He was friend of our guide. We had met him taking a tour of one of the museums. I had no clue who he was or that he would steal my life. I was just flattered that he wanted to take me out. Besides, it wasn't like he was a perfect stranger; our guide was gushing about him and how fantastic he was. Along the way it was mentioned that he was related to the Volturi. Back then, when you live outside of the fence, you though the sun shined out of their asses, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Edward answered, turning to his back, and staring up at the ceiling. "So what happened on your date?"

"It wasn't that exciting, to be honest. His name was Felix, and mostly he talked about himself and how great he thought he was. He thought going on a date with him was supposed to be an honor. Somehow I had missed the memo of how I was expected to fawn all over him at the end of the evening. When he realized that it wasn't happening, he forced himself on me. He didn't get very far. I kicked him in the nuts and threatened to call the police. I remember he laughed at me, this bone chilling, cynical laugh. Then he told me what a silly little girl I was and that he would make me disappear.

"I should have taken him literally, because he meant what he said. He made me disappear. So basically I am here because of one bad judgment that night. I remember waking up later in the night by having something wet thrust over my mouth and nose. The next time I woke up I was lying in a puddle of mud inside the fence. Felix kept his promise and made me disappear. In the beginning I tried to get in contact with the guards; I tried talking to anyone. I tried telling them it was all a mistake and that my parents would be looking for me. They all just ignored me. About a month later, Felix came to see me here. I don't know how he found me, but he did. When I met him back in Italy I didn't see the menace in his eyes, but when I saw him inside the fence, it was obvious that he was enjoying watching the fruits of his labor. He clearly got off on the fact he kicked me down and could keep kicking me when I was already lying on the ground. The reason he came to see me was he wanted to give me the courtesy of knowing exactly who I had pissed off. Felix is a nephew of Aro." Even mentioning his name, a shot of fear ran down my spine. "You know him?" I asked when Edward's form seemed to go rigid on the bed. His breath halted for an impossible amount of time. He was suddenly so inhumanely still. I was almost startled when he spoke again.

"The leader of the Volturi. Every person in the world knows him, Bella."

"Yeah. Well, Felix wanted to remind me of his power and that I was never leaving this place. He said he orchestrated my death and that my parents had put an empty casket into the ground, thinking their daughter had burned to ash in a car crash in Italy.

"Knowing no one was looking for me, a part of me gave up. I accepted life inside of the fence and learned the rules of how to survive." Even thinking of how unfair life was it couldn't bring any more tears. I was all cried out. My entire body almost felt hollow.

"No one should have to go through anything like that," Edward whispered after a few heartbeats.

I rolled to my back, letting my hands drift over my swollen stomach. Though I never wanted this, though I never wished to carry a child inside my body, I would walk through fire to protect it. However, could I protect it inside the fence? Would my child live to take its first breath before vampires took it from me… the chance was slim to none.

In the last past few weeks Edward had been nothing but nice to me, and it was getting increasingly hard to remember that he was the enemy. He may be kind now, but the second what I was carrying inside of my body was ripe, I was nothing but a meal ticket to him and perhaps his salvation. Though I had learned to survive these dark and traitorous streets, I was still just a naïve young girl. I couldn't even find it in me to protect myself now that it was more important than ever. I didn't have the energy or the will power. Edward was slowly stealing that from me by offering his friendship.

I was lost.

I opened my eyes late into the evening. I could hear voices from down the hall. Rose was laughing today; that didn't happen every day. It was a light and easy sound, so pretty and rare for her. Today was a good day. She wouldn't be paralyzed by nerves or fright when she was so freely bantering with Edward.

I made my way to the kitchen, where Jasper hissed at me the second he saw me. His demonic eyes started to devour me from a distance, and I was nothing but a bag of bones and fear. The episode before I slept did nothing to alleviate the tension between us, and I knew with every certainty in the world that if Edward wasn't here, that Jasper would devour me. I was his pray, his kill.

The next time I blinked and opened my eyes again, Jasper's form was out of its predatory crouch, leaving the room in a blur of motion.

I smiled a thinly at Edward who was watching the exchange with rapt attention. I instantly knew the balance of our friendship had shifted ever so slightly. Though I should fear him, I didn't. He knew something about me that not even Jacob had known. It made me vulnerable.

I roamed through the kitchen area and fixed myself something to eat. One good thing about shacking up with vampires was that they certainly knew how to bring home the food. It was somewhat ironic when none of them ate. Previously it was only Rose, who did it to keep her strength up from the constant draining of her blood to meet Emmett's insufferable needs. I mainly ate so much because I was just hungry. To say I had put on a few pounds the last three weeks would be an understatement.

I sat down next to Edward and watched him trying to teach Rose a simple card game. It was amusing and sad how little she grasped of the rules, but today she only laughed it off. Had it been yesterday, she might have thrown a fit or burst into tears. You never knew with her, but Edward never lost his patience or raised his voice to her.

The man next to me seemed less and less like a monster, though every feature of his body painted him as one. His cold skin, his immeasurable strength, his ability to play mind tricks, and lastly, the blood red color bleeding into his eyes every time he had fed only proved that he wasn't human.

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**So what are you thinking? **

**I know this Edward isn't what you're used to, but bear with me, he is not heartless.**

**Come find me on Twitter Elvirina_Nelly**

**If you're bored, I'm posting a drabble'ish story called Out of Oblivion. Check it out.**

**Until next time…**


	6. The Horrible Truth

**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the plot belongs to me. Remember this is an OOC story and I made my own rules as I went.**

**Thank you for the comments on the last chapter. I'm glad to see that there is a small group of readers truly enjoying this dark tale.**

**Thank Malin that I finished this. She begged for it and I got my ass in gear and finished writing it. SaritaDreaming betaed this for me.**

**I hope you enjoy it and remember keep an open mind.**

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Chapter Five

The Horrible Truth

I sat up and raked my fingers into my hair. Curls were still running wild over my head, but as a protest to Edward for cutting it off, I never lifted one single finger to attempt to tame them. They would just have to deal with my disarrayed tresses.

I pulled my thick woolen socks on. I had come to treasure them. They were compliments of Rose and her nerves; she knitted when they were running amuck. The balls of yarn were wisely spent by her, and I had been graced with a pair of home knit socks, one purple and one black.

My life here was rather comfortable compared to the damp cellar I'd shared with Jacob where we had been starving. Here I had more than enough food, and for some odd reason, all the fireplaces were always crackling softly and rooms were warm and toasty. The lair was an old cellar of a castle or something, forgotten by time because it was beneath a ruin and placed underground. The part we inhabited had been a kitchen and probably quarters for servants or other types of aid. It wasn't much, but it was far better than what I had been used to.

I slipped soundlessly down the dark hall, sliding my fingers atop the uneven stones. I had come to know every shape and bump of the wall on the way to Edward's room. During the day when we usually slept, the hall was pitch black and impossible to navigate for someone with weak human eyes like me. I felt the familiar creased wood of the frame and slowly eased the door open. I wasn't sure if Jasper and Emmett knew where I spent my days sleeping. If they did, they never said a word about it. But I didn't really care anyway.

I didn't have to make my presence known; I never did. Edward was a light sleeper, if he even slept at all. I wasn't sure. I heard the familiar sound of rustling sheets as he lifted them for me to climb in. His breathing was even and shallow.

There weren't any flames in the fireplace, just red hot embers that gave a faint glow, but it still didn't help much for me to see. I took the seven and a half steps until my thighs hit the soft edge of the mattress. I dented the mattress with my knee as I climbed up and settled into the darkness. Softly and without a word, I was tucked in. I breathed deeply to pick up the soft scent of Edward—the smell that was all grass and life. Kind of odd, considering he really was dead.

I stayed still, knowing sleep would evade me. I had been dreaming about my mother again, and she had been raped. My mother being degraded and brutalized was worse than remembering my own assaults. I couldn't bear anyone hurting her. With my well built in coping mechanism I pushed my dream aside. Since I wasn't planning on sleeping anymore and I knew Edward was awake, I opted to fill the silence with something.

"Who turned you? Was it Emmett?" I asked bluntly.

Edward laughed cynically, and I felt him shake his head, making sounds with friction. He was better at it, not startling me with his inhumane speed and sudden appearances.

"Or was it Jasper? Is he your creator?"

"None of the above," Edward finally answered. There was a slight edge to his voice.

"So who created you?" I turned to my side, instantly feeling more comfortable as my belly was getting heavy and squashing my lungs.

Edward slowly peeled his eyes open, the red irises glowing like embers in the darkness. It was freaky as hell, but I had gotten used to it. It still rattled my cage a bit, though. "It doesn't happen that way."

"Then how does it happen?" I asked honestly.

"Because man decided to play God," he answered softly.

"You lost me."

"Okay." Edward sighed. "What do you think you know about us?"

"I don't think... I know," I countered, feeling slightly insulted. "But you were created, bitten by a vampire, living forever, drinking blood, allergic to sunlight, immense strength, hard to kill, et cetera et cetera," I rolled my eyes.

Edward chuckled. "Well, unlearn some of that. It's not all true. It is what _they_ want you to believe."

"Who are _they_?" I frowned.

"The ones who played God."

"So who exactly played God?"

"The Volturi. Aro to be very specific." Edward's voice was acidic.

At the mention of his name, an ice cold chill ran down the length of my spine. I stared at Edward, only seeing the contours of his angled face. Then he told me a story that shook my beliefs to the marrow of my bones. I listened attentively as it was so shocking he couldn't possibly have made it up.

"Vampires, people like me, are not a creation older than time. Actually, we are much younger than that. Emmett and I are the same age, our second age; we were created at the same time. What you think you know about us is exactly what the Volturi wants you to believe. You see, the myths about blood drinkers have always existed, _they_ just used them to cover up their failure and their man-made monsters." He paused. "About two hundred and fifty years ago the Volturi became arrogant and reckless. Well, they've always been arrogant and reckless, mostly Aro. He thought he was smarter than life and God, and Aro and his guinea pigs started tampering with the human genes. They wanted to create a life expectancy far longer than your average human eighty something years. Aro was obsessed with cheating death. It was a big mistake. Tampering with something they thought they understood, the VVolturi created something they couldn't control—the Anti God. The Vampires. Us. They succeeded in altering the life expectancy as they wished, but suddenly theyfound their creations were extremely long-lived and very hard to kill. Along with the changes, side effects occurred, making us superior to them. We grew immensely strong, rage filled. Our diet changed. We started lusting for blood instead of bread and water. Our senses heightened, eyesight grew intense like an eagle, sense of smell like that of a bloodhound, and hearing like a wolf on the hunt. Everything changed, and we became very dangerous. Most of us lost our humanity, those are your common drain-your-body-bloodsucker you have been attacked by in our streets.

"After a while they figured a solution to the problem with crime and crowded prisons. The Volturi set the uncontrolled monsters free behind the fences around the world, giving nature a chance to work. They took advantage of the natural food chain, let the strong prey on the weak, basically letting the vampires violently reap out the crowded imprisonments. Then came the cover up. They blamed the myths and made it publicly known that these monsters existed and weren't myths at all, and they could prove it."

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. It was deadly quiet, and I couldn't stand it. "How could the Volturi do something like this?"

"Aro was power hungry, and he didn't want to die. For him it was personal, so he made it personal for the rest of the world," Edward answered quietly, not even grimacing as he spoke.

I mulled things over in my head, trying to piece all the facts together. "Are you saying that the Volturi are like you, Emmett, and Jasper?"

Edward's small smile was cynical. "That's exactly what I'm saying, but hardly any humans or vampires know that fact. So far, it's the best kept secret there is."

My body felt like it had frozen solid in the matter of minutes. "I can't believe it," I muttered as my head sank heavily into the fluffy pillow. The silence lingered for most of an hour while I quietly tried to digest this bomb that just went off. Edward let me, like he knew how the wheels were turning in my head. He probably could read my mind.

"But I've seen Aro, outside… in the sunlight."

"Of course you have. Those are body stand ins. He has an army of those. They're all brainwashed and are ready to service his every need." Edward reached out, inhumanly fast at first, and I flinched away. Giving a small smile his hand hovered over my head, before his cold fingers came to rest over my wild hair. "The world we live in is based on a lie, Bella."

Sensing vulnerability creep up on me again, like it did most times when I was with Edward, I knew right then and there I had lost my energy to fight it—for good.

"What does that make you? A lie, too?"

Edward closed his eyes, blocking those blood red eyes for a moment. "No, I'm not a lie; I'm the evidence of what they are doing. That's what I am."

The embers were dying in the fire, like I felt a part of my humanity wither away and scatter in a gentle breeze as it swept by. I placed my hand on my swollen stomach, feeling a smooth and slick movement inside of my body. Perhaps it was an arm or a foot. If I didn't want to live for me anymore, there was this little creature—the child that couldn't be blamed for being created. The baby was the depiction of innocence. Perhaps the child inside of me was what could be an iota of right to fight some of the bad?

Edward hardly made a noise as he slowly blew on the embers, making flames spring to life again and lick up a few dry logs before really catching the wood and start to consume it.

Quietly, Edward crawled back into bed again.

With the furious mess that was in my head, I still had a curiosity. I could focus on the facts; those things were probably a better place to anchor my torn insides. Facts I understood. "So what is with the burning in the sunlight?"

"Another side effect. To prolong our age, the membrane, our skin grew fragile and too sensitive for the UV rays, but strong like kevlar at the same time."

"Fangs?" I whispered, suppressing a smile.

"You personally know we don't grow them. That's why a vampire bite is so painful. My teeth are almost as blunt as yours. Imagine how I would feel if you bit through my skin."

"Awful." I hesitated. "Then why do you need to drink blood?"

"I need blood like you need water, to replenish my body. I need to have fresh donated blood in my system to function."

"Will you die if you don't?"

"No. I would just slowly deteriorate, wither away, but I won't die—not for a very long time at least."

"What about the blood from a baby? Why exactly do you want it?" I curled my arm closer around my stomach.

"The myth says that the rich blood of an infant can save you. I personally believe that if there's any truth in the rumor, then it has to be the stem-cells that can help you … they have the ability to become anything or everything in your body, they are ultimately flexible; our antidote you could say. You need to understand that all of us would give anything to be human again. To see the sunlight, have children, grow old, and die, to have what they took from us and not be a blood-drinking monster crawling through the night. Even those of us who have lost their humanity—they are the ones hungering for salvation the most. It is what they want, and those stem-cells exist in your body right now. That is why they all want you. What you carry inside of you can 'heal' them, mend the altered cells and give them back their humanity."

I coiled my hands around my belly protectively, refusing to let the hellish fact get the better of me. So facts, I kept focusing on the facts. "Breathing? Do you need to?"

"Mainly yes, but I can go without oxygen for quite a while. But if I breathe, it makes the blood I drink last longer in my body. I need to feed less if I breathe. Also it is a habit that is hard to kick." Edward smiled thinly.

"Why did you agree to let them do this to you?"

"I didn't. I thought I was entering a cancer research project. They didn't tell me _they_ were the real cancer."

"So they risked your life without even telling you?" I asked incredulously.

"No. They took it when I thought I was helping people, doing good for others."

"What about Emmett? Why did he join?"

"Not my place to tell you."

"Jasper?" I shuddered slightly at the mention of his name. He was always watching me, evaluating my moves, picking up my scent.

"I don't know much about him, only he was sick when he joined the program. He suffered from albinism, and that's why he looks so different even from us." He sighed. "But he is losing his humanity. He used to have the kindest soul."

"Would my blood save him?"

"It might."

"Why are you in here then? You haven't lost your humanity?"

"Emmett and I faked it. We made them believe we were savages, so they put us in here," Edward said.

"But why would you want that? This place is hell."

"To you it is hell, but it is almost a heaven to me. I have the closest thing to freedom here I will ever know."

"Oh." I gasped, hearing him verbalize the opposite of how I felt about this place.

"But if your kind is so dangerous, why didn't they destroy you when they had the chance?"

Edward hesitated. "Would you destroy the strongest weapon you ever created? Would you seek the demise of your ultimate defense if you were attacked?"

I stared at him. I understood perfectly what he meant. I didn't need to answer him; he knew I saw his point.

Edward smiled softly, the wild flames of the fire sent light dancing over his face. "Get some sleep, Bella."

"I don't think I can," I whispered. "Will you hold me?" I dared asking for the first time. It was that damn vulnerability that I wanted to kick the hell away from me. It made me fallible, and I knew I couldn't afford that. With Jacob I could fight until my last dying breath, but with Edward all my defenses just crumbed to dust. I was so tired, just bone deep tired. I was weak and like play dough in his hands. Perhaps it was part of his mind tricks.

"I'll hold you if you promise to rest. You need rest." He opened his arms, and I maneuvered my way into his embrace, aligning my body flush to his. Strangely, I felt safe.

"I could go to sleep and never wake up," I murmured, tears burning my eyes.

"I know you could," he answered softly. "I wish I was able to do that at some point in time."

I followed his fingers as they rhythmically brushed up and down my back. I hardly noticed the chill of his body as minutes passed and my lids miraculously grew heavy.

I heard a small snort from Edward. I peaked my head up from my comfortable snuggle against his neck. "I can feel the baby move inside of you. It's quite an invigorating feeling… It's life. It's the opposite of me."

I closed my eyes again. "I don't think so. For the baby to be the opposite of you, you'd have to be a monster, and you're not. Stupid as I might be, I think you're my salvation." I sighed and put my head down again.

"Can I feel your stomach with my hand?" he asked quietly.

"If you want." That consent was the last of my self-protection draining from my body.

I fell asleep with my entire world uprooted once again while Edward's fingers lithely following every single movement coming from the baby with a mind reader's skill. These soulless creatures I lived with were not soulless at all. They were merely men trapped in a different hell they didn't wish to belong to. Now I didn't have to imagine what they, especially Edward, used to be before his leachy tendencies had been thrust upon them. Now I knew they used to be ordinary men and wanted to be that again. It made them all more human.

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**Now what are you thinking? **

**I know this is not your conventional run of the mill Edward and Bella story. I'll be back as soon as possible with the next chapter.**

**Thank you for reading.**

**I'm on Twitter Elvirina_Nelly**


	7. Unnamed Emotions

**I own the plot, but Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight.**

**SaritaDreaming graciously betaed this, thank you, dear. **

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**Chapter Six**

**Unnamed Emotions**

Emmett appeared out of nowhere; his jacket was damp and his hair moist from rain I guessed. I never went to the streets anymore as I had no reason to now. He glared at me for a moment, then coldly he nodded his head at Rose. She responded immediately and followed like a dog on a leash behind him. I hated sitting here, watching as he was about to have his way with her carotid.

"Why does he treat her like that?" I hissed.

"He treats her like she needs to be treated," Edward said pointedly, not offering any further explanation.

I ate the last of my food and stared at the dark hall. I excused myself to the bathroom with a different motive in mind. I was glad my socks muted my steps going deeper into the hall. The warm light of fires shone from rooms on both sides of the hall, but when I heard the muted voices my stomach lurched. Right behind that door, Rose was forced to give Emmett her blood again. Like a calling of my will and to quench my curiosity, Emmett's door fell open ever so slightly and leaked another stream of light into the darkened hall.

I stepped to the side and placed my cheek against the stone wall. Their voices were low and private as they murmured.

"Neck or thigh?" Emmett said. I swallowed back bile. He was giving her a choice—how fucking noble of him! It was like being asked would you rather be deaf or blind. I knew my answer to that one—neither! I couldn't help appreciate Edward never assumed my blood was his for the taking because he let me sleep in his bed. He wasn't heartless like Emmett.

"Neck. My thigh is still healing," Rose answered softly, her voice smooth. For once in my life I wished I wasn't some helpless little pregnant girl, because there was nothing I could do for her. I was just as much a little lamb in the claws of a lion as she was.

"Okay." There was a slight commotion and then rustling of sheets. My curiosity spiked again, and I tilted my head so I could put my eye to the crease of the door. I found Emmett's bed was directly in my line of sight. I watched Emmett remove his shirt, and his skin glowed pale and perfect in the light from the fire. I didn't understand why they bothered with it as they would never in a million years get cold. He sat down on the edge of the bed and glared with his usual hard stare at Rose.

"Come to me," he ordered.

Rose with her well-ingrained lap-dog manners did as she was told. Emmett scuttled back slightly on the bed and parted his legs. Rose sat down between them with her back to him. I expected he would just dive in and ravish her neck sinking his teeth into her skin, but he didn't.

With his large hands he gathered her long hair and started braiding it. With his knuckles he caressed her neck where a multitude of scars were prominent and purplish. He leaned his chin on her shoulder, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist.

"Did you have a good day?"

It took a while for her answer. Her voice was small, but for once she didn't seem scared or skittish—it was the opposite—she looked comfortable as she threaded her fingers together. "I think so," she murmured. Rose had a problem with her memory, along with a load of other issues. "Was there something important I was supposed to do today?"

"No," Emmett answered softly. I'd never heard him speak with such a careful tenor. "Lie down," he ordered quietly and once again she obeyed. I had to control the hiss building inside of me. He would take her body, too? _That son of a bitch!_ I hadn't known he was that big of an ass. Actually I wasn't exactly sure what their male anatomy was capable of—all I knew was that I didn't have the strength to help her. I couldn't even protect my own child.

Half-naked, he climbed over her and dived to her neck. Once again I expected him to open her vein and fill his need, but Rose showed no tension whatsoever or wince from the pain a bite would deliver. Instead she sighed and her eyes fluttered closed.

I watched dumbstruck as Emmett made no attempt to feed from her, but instead it looked like he was caressing her with his mouth, nuzzling her skin and Rose didn't respond like any other human would to an agonizing vampire bite. Instead she moaned content, her toes curling oddly and her hands fisted into the sheets. She looked like she… enjoyed it. He uncovered her chest carefully and my eyes widened as he moved his mouth over her breasts. His hand shifted down and slipped into her pants. I couldn't see exactly what he was doing, but I knew the basics of it and it always hurt. But I just didn't understand her reaction. Her body started to arch up towards him, spreading her legs wider, snaking them up along his hips. The contented moans changed to dragged out groans. Her breathing changed erratic and her noises grew louder. They kept this strange game going for a few minutes and then her body started to tense.

"Now, Emmett," she groaned as she arched closer to him, leaving her neck widely exposed. Rose was the one ordering all of a sudden. I had a hard time imagining Emmett taking orders from anybody, let alone Rose giving them.

Like the strike of a snake he sank his teeth into her neck and she groaned a guttural and primal sound that was out of this world. Her face distorted into a grimace that was both pain and pleasure. She kept these strange noises up for about a minute as Emmett's hand stayed buried in her pants, and he sucked the blood from her open vein.

Slowly her body started to relax as she sank down onto the bed again. She sighed lazily.

My stomach snarled loudly, and I held back a gasp, but it was too late. Emmett cold eyes flashed to mine through the tiny slit in the door; his irises were wild and feral as he still had his teeth locked into her vein. He pulled free from her, blood on his lips as he drew back from Rose's neck in what appeared to be rage. "Sleep," he whispered to her, and then drew his tongue over the bite, sealing it so the blood stopped running and the wound would start to heal.

It all happened so fast. I only had time to take half a step back from the door. I felt the pressure of his hand around my throat, locking hard and squeezing the life out of me. "If you ever watch me feed again, I will be the consumer of that baby," he snarled. "Is that understood?" His eyes were murderous, and his face was stone cold.

I tried to nod my head, but it was only a small tension of my muscles. I couldn't move. Emmett drew his thumb across his lower lip that was glistening with fresh blood. He sucked the last drops from his finger provokingly while I stared at him. I knew it was a warning.

I was shocked at what I had seen as I slowly ambled back into the kitchen. My mind was stuck in a haze. I sat down next to the fireplace, probably looking mostly like a rag doll thrown aside.

Edward assessed me shrewdly. "Is there something the matter, Bella?" he asked.

I shook my head meeting his burning red gaze for a split second. For some reason I couldn't bear it. I dropped my eyes, refusing to explain what exactly it was that I saw. That's when I realized, I didn't understand it myself.

"I'll be out," Edward announced moments later.

I nodded again, feeling a cold mist spread from the inside. "Are you going out to feed?"

"Yes," he answered simply. He looked at me for a briefly before he stalked out though the dark and cold corridor leaving to the outside.

I curled my feet up and leaned against the warm wall beside the crackling fire. I suddenly felt lonely. Not even Jasper was around to invoke fear in me today. To avoid addressing what I just witnessed in the other room I morbidly started to wonder if I should count the remainders of my days. I wasn't naïve; the larger my stomach got, the closer I was to my death, and I was in a vampire lair. I wasn't getting out alive; even Emmett assured me that just now. I sat speculating for a moment if what I carried in my womb really could mean salvation for Jasper, even if he took my life in the process.

The tiny hairs on my neck prickled, and I knew one of them was near. Emmett hadn't made a single noise entering the kitchen, but he leaned calmly against the wall like a statue that had been there forever.

I swallowed noisily, and my pulse started to race. I knew he heard it, but I kept my mouth shut as that seemed to aggravate him less. It was silent for leagues of time, only the subtle sizzling of the fire could be heard. I was here on his good graces, and I knew it.

"I only do that to help her." His deep voice suddenly penetrated the quiet.

I stared at him. "Do what?" I murmured.

"She feels less pain if she is... comfortable... when I drink," Emmett said pointedly, this tone was verging on exasperation. Without another noise he left the room. I blinked, and he was gone.

I kept my pose and wondered for a few moments what he had been talking about. In my mind I saw Rose trapped beneath him, convulsing, gasping, groaning, and squirming. I wondered shortly if perhaps his hand between her legs could feel nice instead of painful.

It was almost light outside when I was pacing the floors waiting for Edward to come home. He didn't usually stay out this late. He was meticulous about everything that he did, and he didn't take lightly to the dangers of walking around in the daylight. Perhaps it was just today that the wait seemed so much longer, like an eternity. My mind was racing with emotions and questions that I couldn't figure out how to relate to.

Edward was positively filthy when he had Jasper flanking him coming down the corridor. They spoke in fast and hushed voices where I couldn't tell the words apart. Jasper curled his lip back from his teeth as soon as he sensed me and stayed almost provocatively in the farthest corner of the place. He was treating me like a leper.

Edward gave a small smile as he passed me. He smelled of garbage and urine, and his face was covered in grime and dirt. His lower lip had split, but it looked like the bleeding had stopped a long time ago. So he _could_ bleed.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"Life on the streets," he answered. "We took down mob of breeders tonight. Killed them all," he said nonplussed. I followed him like a puppy on a leash down the hall to his room. I didn't really know what to say or how to broach the subject that was marauding around in my mind, but I just had the strangest urge to be near him.

He entered the bathroom, which had the luxury of running hot water. He turned the tap, letting the water tumble into tub like a river dropping over cliffs to a pool far below. I stood in the door strangely reveling in the fact and comfort that he was home again.

"Were you hurt?" I gestured to my own lip. He traced the healing wound with his thumb.

"It wasn't much. A breeder threw a cobblestone at my face, and he had good aim." He shrugged before he pulled his shirt off. He tested the water with his hand before dropping his pants.

It was like he didn't notice me—didn't seem concerned that I was in the bathroom with him, studying him. Things like nudity or privacy didn't matter to him. He'd seen me naked the day I arrived, and he didn't bat a lash, but I had never seen him in the flesh before.

My cheeks suddenly felt hot.

I handed him a bar of soap just as he stretched a leg over the lip of the tub and got in. I watched with almost sickly fascination as he scrubbed up lather and washed himself.

I had seen men naked before, maybe not men as much as Jacob, and he was mostly like a boy and that exposure had been out plain necessity. I had paid Jacob no more attention than I would any female. Now, I was unable to force my feet to move and offer Edward the privacy he deserved. I was spellbound, because Edward was not a boy.

I stood in the door, battling to keep my eyes down as he dried off. I wasn't entirely successful. He stopped right in front of me when he had wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed?" he asked frankly.

I answered by nodding. Where was the girl that never kept her mouth shut and usually would flee from any man that came within a fifty yard radius?

"Did you remember to eat?" he prompted as he pulled on pants and a shirt in his room. I nodded again, feeling unusually tongue tied. Edward was always encouraging me to eat, and since vampires never seemed to have problems procuring food, I obliged.

He took the wrought iron poker and stirred the dying embers. It took him mere minutes to make the flames roar to life again.

Getting into the bed, I wasn't uncomfortable as he was always patient and reasonable. It was more like I was shy. It was a feeling I remembered from long ago, from before I was thrown in prison. It was a rush of heat to my face and butterflies in my stomach, a reaction that happened a lot in my early teens.

Edward sat against the head of the bed, opening his book.

"Do you know what Emmett does to Rose... when he feeds?" I asked, picking how to begin. I was glad his way of viewing the world was practical and straight forward.

"Yes," he answered without really caring about what I was asking. That much was clear.

"Would you show me how that feels?" I asked, keeping my eyes locked on him. I refused to be swayed by my sudden shyness. I wasn't that girl anymore. He lifted his gaze to stare at me earnestly. Well, that got his attention.

"Why would you want me to?" he asked quietly, but his tone was shell-shocked.

I wondered for an instant. "I'm curious."

His eyes narrowed, and his usually warm timber dropped to chilling. "You shouldn't be."

"Why not?" I countered.

"Why would you want anyone to touch you after all the rapes?"

"I want to know both sides. I just know the painful one. Rose looked like she enjoyed it... I want know that side, too," I said simply, suddenly realizing that was what had been bothering me. I just wanted to understand what it was that Rose had felt.

"I see." He nodded slightly.

"Do you know how to do it?" I asked, suddenly wondering if Emmett was doing something different from others. I had never seen anyone use their hands or be that soft and gentle with a woman. All I knew was that it took force close to violence.

Edward chuckled, actually looking amused all of a sudden. "Yes, actually, I do."

"Have you tried it before?"

"Yes... what exactly did you see?" Edward asked soberly.

"He put his mouth to her neck without biting her and he put his hand down her pants," I explained.

Edward nodded. "You are not shy, are you?"

"Why would I be?" For the first time in a long while I had actually felt that sudden bashfulness, but Edward didn't need to know that. However, that was beside the point—my body wasn't mine, but just something that held my brain. A shell that had been taken repeatedly; I didn't really care about it.

"No... why would you," he muttered. I didn't understand what he meant.

"So you'll show me?"

His red gaze looked mostly like an inferno. "No. Go to sleep, Bella." His tone was decisive, and I knew there was no point arguing.

Lying down in bed, I couldn't help feeling rejected. The feeling stung around my heart. It took a while for me to fall asleep, and I was sure Edward didn't sleep at all.

Since that night, things changed. I found myself being irritated with Edward often. He was always close, but never close enough in some strange way. I was horribly lonely when he was gone at night, but instantly annoyed when he came home, and more so when it was clear that he had fed. I snapped at him frequently, often after seeing Emmett take Rose down to his room. That was when I was irritable like a hungry grizzly. Every time I slept I would wake with Edward tightly snuggled up to my back, his face pressed into the crook of my neck. His large hand was splayed over my stomach under my shirt. I tried to keep my breathing even, knowing he was a light sleeper. He would detect any change from my body, and that would wake him. I savored those times because then he was almost close enough.

I couldn't seem to sort out all these frustrating emotions, and there was no one to help me.

I tried to talk to Rose about it, but it wasn't working. With her I knew it was like the quiet water was the deepest, but I just couldn't get past the surface. She wouldn't allow me.

Jasper and Emmett were a no-go as I didn't speak to either of them.

I was afraid to open the subject with Edward as I was scared of that hurtful rebuff I earned the last time. I had learned to survive physically, but emotionally I was a mess. I missed my mom. She would have helped, she always used to help me.

oooooOOOOooooo

**Things are getting complicated for Bella. **

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	8. Promises

**I own the plot, Stephenie Meyer created Twilight.**

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oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter Seven**

**Promises**

It was odd how days had changed my life once more. I found when I peered in Edward's eyes they were more gentle, and his face seemed less sharp and angled. Looking at him, I found him beautiful all of a sudden. It was small details perfected in a smile or a frown. During the nights that we were awake, I hung to his every word and was electrically aware of his every move. I was so conscious of him every damn second, and it irritated me. I was losing my edge with him. I never spat profanities at Edward like I did with Emmett or Jasper. I was turning soft and docile and I wasn't sure I liked it. When you lived in a world like mine, you needed to have both your feet bolted to the ground, and I found that harder every day I spent with Edward. I was relaxing and forgetting to keep my guard up. He had never hurt me, but I was constantly overlooking that he was a predator and I was his pray, no matter the circumstances. Facts were what they were – they were vampires.

Cool fingers traced across my forehead, repeating the motion over and over again. It was distracting, but it felt soothing. The touch was soft, and keeping my eyes closed I was free to dwell on fantasies I had about that touch. I could make up the emotions behind his choice to caress my skin, savor that he needed and wanted to be as close to me as I always wanted to be to him.

Slowly, I was coming to terms with what my body was aching for. There was a physical part as well as an emotional longing for closeness. What I wanted from him was some sort of promise that he would always be here to protect me. That I could trust this lopsided haven I existed in was going to last as long as I lived—however short time that might be.

It made me edgy that I had no promises, and I was living in limbo like this.

Edward stirred next to me while I pretended to still be asleep. He snuggled up to me, aligning his body with mine, dipping his knees into the hollow space created by my bent legs. I could feel his face and wintery breath just at the nape of my neck, and his chest was flush against my back. I'd learned to ignore the chill of his body, because I craved this deranged form of intimacy more than I feared a cool breeze from him.

His hand snaked around my midsection, and his fingers traveled under my shirt to cradle my ballooning belly. His thumb ghosted over my stomach in gentle and soothing circles. This was my heaven for the moment. This was where I naively felt like I was safe, if even just for now.

It didn't last long enough as Edward chose to climb out of bed. I turned, peeling my eyes open, catching him throwing two more logs onto the fireplace.

"Why do you always have the rooms so warm? It's not like you'll get cold," I asked puzzled.

Edward was crouched in front of the fireplace staring at the orange fire dancing. "No, but you will. You and Rose have spent enough time freezing. You shouldn't be cold in your own home."

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Home?

Did I have one now?

A real home away from danger and starvation?

It was the promise that I longed for.

If I stopped seeing traps everywhere, then I might see that I did have a home. If I stopped living with half my mind focused on when the betrayal would come, I could give in and live to the fullest for the remainder of my time. Perhaps the fact Edward chose to have me in his bed every time he slept, and curled up to me like I was a favored teddy, would leave me feeling like I wasn't unloved or unwanted.

I stared at Edward as he slowly rose and stepped back to the bed. He settled next to me, resting his back against the wall. I crawled up against his stomach, placing my cheek against the ripples of hard muscle. His hand went to my back, stoking down my spine.

I wanted to savor this, live and breathe it, but I still had my untamed curiosity. I had so many questions about this place and especially about Edward. "How many women have called this home?" I asked after a few silent moments.

His blood red eyes shifted to me, his brows furrowing. "A few," he answered quietly. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear.

"How many have slept in this bed?" I continued.

"A little less than a few."

That didn't sit well with me either. "Have you been with many women?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes at me, his gaze scorching my mind, like he was extracting my thoughts from my brain. "There have been women here, but it's been a while."

"Vampires or human?" I asked hesitantly.

"Have you ever been bitten by a female vampire?" he asked, his gaze softening.

I searched my brain through countless attacks. "Come to think of it, no, I haven't."

"That's because there are very few female vampires."

My mouth popped open. "Why?"

"During the testing and altercation of genes most women died. Only a few took to the changing of their cells. I'm not sure why, but I think it is linked the female hormones, their cycle, and need to change. Of the few that did change, none of them lost their humanity, so none of them would be here."

"So your women?" I asked curiously.

"All human."

"How? I thought it was impossible for vampires to be with normal women." Emmett hadn't done that. He hadn't claimed Rose's body or forced himself on her.

Edward smiled softly, just a small pull at his lips. He gently placed his arm around my shoulder. "Not impossible at all. My body works pretty much the same way as it did when I was merely human, though I can't reproduce." He cocked a brow at me and almost smirked. Humor was a rare thing around here.

"Did you love any of your women?"

"For the most part. It was nice to have some companionship once in a while."

"What happened to them?"

"They grew old and died," he answered soberly, a flicker if sadness spreading across his face.

"But you won't," I muttered.

"No, I won't," he echoed.

It was silent for a long time, only the crackling in the fireplace could be heard. Somewhere down the hall the faint click of a door sounded. "Rose, how long has she been here?" I asked.

"Not sure. At least a decade. I tend to lose track of time." Edward shrugged.

"Why is she so skittish?"

Edward sighed and placed a hand over my belly, stroking it atop the sheet this time. "She wasn't as lucky as you. She was bred. I don't know the exact number of children they took from her, but by the state of her privates my guess is a lot."

I stared wide eyed at him. I didn't mind the other women, but the thought of him and Rose rubbed me the wrong way. "Oh," I muttered. And knowing what state her privates may or may not be in was just unnecessary knowledge.

Edward inclined his head, watching me. The red circles in his eyes were glowing intensely. "What are you thinking?"

"What does Emmett think of you and Rose?" I whispered fiercely.

"I see." Edward nodded slowly. "Emmett doesn't think anything. He brought her to me when he found her. She had given birth for the who knows what time, and I examined her then. That is how I know about her. She has been with us since then."

"If he brought her here, then why does he treat her so coldly? He's a jerk to her."

"She is physically broken, but the emotional scars have left giant holes in her psyche. So when Emmett seems abrasive with her, it's because it's the only way she understands. Sad but true. Emmett has a connection with her none of us does. He can bring her closer to the real world, where she can function as best as possible. She is extremely traumatized."

"Well, if she's so fragile, then why does he keep on taking her blood then?" That was what truly bothered me. That he thought he had the right to just open her vein and drink from her whenever he needed it.

Edward smiled marginally. "It's what Rose wants. It is her way of showing him gratitude for taking her in. She is the one insisting he feeds only from her, not the other way around as you seem to think. He's actually respecting her by not feeding out in the streets."

I stared at him dumbfounded. Jealousy bounced around inside of me, but I wasn't sure why, so I changed the subject. "Why do you know all this medical stuff?"

"I always wanted to be a doctor, though I never had the chance, but I picked up a few tricks along the way. And living in the hell hole, as you say, it's necessary from time to time to know these things."

I mulled over all of the facts that mapped out my life now. My swollen belly was proof that perhaps leaving this place I could leave behind a legacy, and act of selflessness. "If I gave Jasper the blood with the stem-cells that you talked about, would that save him?"

"Perhaps, but it is not an exact science." Edward stared at me stunned.

"Then I want to give it to him."

"Why?" He frowned.

"Because you said he used to be kind. This place could use a little kindness." I gazed down at my hands. I wanted my demise to do some good.

"Bella," he said softly. He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. "I don't think you understand. You don't have to die here. None of us would harm you to get the cure to save us, not even Jasper. And if you want give him the blood with the stem-cells, there are ways to do it without causing you or the baby harm. It is just the savages on the streets that haven't figured it out. A few breeders have, and Rose can attest to that, but unfortunately not her lost children. But I promise you, no one here will risk your life. Your life belongs to you, and until you find your way out of here you are under our protection."

My vision blurred, and my cheeks felt wet. I swallowed around a thick obstruction in my throat and tried to speak, but I couldn't. Was I really that safe? Inside the fence I had always been the caretaker, if not for Jacob, then for myself. But now someone was taking care of me, and it was all too daunting to really take in. Could I allow myself to believe in Utopia?

I touched my fingers to his cool cheeks and pulled his face down to mine and kissed him softly. It was kiss of gratitude, just a token of how relieved I was. Overwhelmed by the prospect of a future, I lay my head against his chest and cried. Edward didn't say anything, just stroked my wild hair as I went on the crying jag of my life.

I didn't understand. I never expected I was carrying that much tension around over the life of my child and myself. Stupidly, I had assumed that I was okay, and that once the day came, I could deal with the death I expected would claim me.

Night had fallen and my eyes were swollen from the tears. We were in the kitchen, and I was staring longingly at Edward as he moved towards the exit with Jasper and Emmett. The world I lived in had once more shifted on its axis, and nothing was as I expected.

I was glad to have Rose for company or I would lose my mind with all these new possibilities. Most of all, I suddenly had hope: hope that I may have a future, that I simply got to survive.

Rose was skittish today, flicking her fingers, biting her nails, and pacing the floor. It was unnerving, but I tried to distract her the best that I could. Suggesting that we play a card game that usually made her laugh only resulted in her bursting into tears. It was easier to deal with now that I understood her. I understood how broken she was and the nerves making her edgy today was probably because Emmett was gone.

By the end of the night, almost all of her fingertips were bleeding, because she had chewed her nails to tiny little stubs. Admittedly this was the first time I longed for Emmett to return. I was at wits end, but he would know what to do.

"Bella?" Edward's voice boomed from the end of the dark hall leading to the outside. I stood by shocked as they all entered, filthy and disheveled. They had definitely been fighting again.

Edward quickly cleared what little was on the table, and Jasper left something swathed in what looked to be old potato sacks on the table.

Emmett was quick to whisk Rose out of the room, reassuring her that the thick sticky blood pouring from his face was nothing but a scratch.

"I need your help, Bella." Edward rushed.

Jasper was hovering over the sacks, his bone pale fingers searching into the burlap with the utmost care. His eyes were torn, but I saw something I'd never noticed before. It was a flicker of humanity buried within the crimson of his eyes.

"I need you to help warm her up," Edward said as he was fiddling with what looked to be an IV.

_Her?_

That was when I realized that the bundle inside those ratted pieces of fabric was a person. My gut turned ice cold, and dread ran down the spine. I moved closer, and Jasper's predatory eyes were on me at once. His lips curled back as a ferocious hiss escaped through his throat.

"Jasper!" Edward said sharply and Jasper's demonic eyes lowered again. "She's only going to help." He looked at me. "We need your body heat to help warm her. She's hypothermic. You can do this, Bella," Edward encouraged when he noticed my obvious hesitation.

I crept closer, and the smell of urine and waste was sharp in my nose. Edward peeled back some of the material and a sickeningly thin arm appeared. Bones perturbed at joints like jagged rocks under a thin sheen of silk. Carefully he inserted the IV into the back of her hand, hooking it up to a plastic bag full of some clear fluid.

"Where did you get that?" I asked, pointing to the new supplies.

"I got lucky tonight. I stumbled across a supply storage that some breeders were keeping and raided it." He looked up. "Now, Bella. She needs your help."

I peeled the burlap back, uncovering a startling face. Long and matted black hair was like a halo around the small head. The sharp cheekbones that looked like they threatened to pierce the skin were shocking. Hollow cheeks and eyes that were sunk into their sockets so far that it looked to be gone were just as bad. The skin was filthy, grimy, her finger nails overgrown, and she was as pale as chalk. Never in my life had I seen anyone so emaciated.

Instantly, from my heart I felt nothing but sympathy for the girl. This could have been me had Edward found me later than he did. Perhaps this was what I looked like when I first arrived here. No, I wasn't in that bad of shape.

"How is she even alive?" I gasped when I saw her chest bones jabbing at her fragile membrane.

Jasper startled me by suddenly speaking up. I'd never even heard anything but a snarl come from him. "I don't know how, but she is." His voice was so gentle and loving that I lost my bearings for a moment. I don't know what I imagined, but the soothing tenor was nothing like I expected. I had imagined a timber that was gruff and scratchy, deep and hateful perhaps, but certainly not pleasant. His fingers very carefully danced over the unconscious girl's cheek, following the contour of the bone. He stared intently at her with eyes full of adoration. "Little butterfly, open your eyes for me," he whispered.

There was no reaction, only the small rise and fall of her chest. That was the only indication that she was alive.

Jolting my body into motion, I flipped off my shirt. "Take her to the fireplace." I sat down, as close to the fire as I dared, feeling the intense heat lick my skin. I didn't have to explain anything to Edward, he placed the girl in my lap and swathed a clean blanket around us. From living in a damp and cold cellar for years, I knew first hand that skin on skin was the best way to get warm.

Her body was glacial, her skin icy and blue. I breathed through my mouth to avoid the putrid smell of her. I stared at the peaceful face for a moment. Perhaps that was what she should find – peace.

"Where did you find her?" I asked.

"She was locked in a basement, for how long I have no clue," Jasper answered, startling me again. He was closer than he had ever been before, his hands hovering over her for something to do.

Slowly, as I sat with the girl braced against my bare skin, she started to warm. The bluish color faded, and her fingertips turned the softest of pink. That was a good sign, right? Holding her hand I noticed the bracelet dangling from her tiny wrist.

_South Hill Psychiatric Institution. _

_Mary Alice Brandon._

"Look at this, Edward," I said holding out her hand. Edward crouched down beside me, reading the inscription. He hung his head tiredly off his shoulders. "What?"

"It's not the first time I've seen bracelets on people in here. Usually they're dead. That facility uses this place as a morgue for patients they consider to be out of reach or simply want to disappear."

"That's horrible," I gasped.

Edward cocked a brow, a humorless expression on his face. "It's the way of the world these days. They get to keep their pretty image of a perfect world, and we get to face the reality of what they don't want to deal with. Like her." He nodded to the girl in my arms.

Feeling protective all of a sudden, I cradled her closer in my arms, hoping she would regain consciousness. She didn't. She just lay in my arms, lifeless and limp.

"Would a warm bath help?" I wondered out loud. I remembered from my childhood that my mom always drew me a warm bath whenever I wasn't feeling well. Besides, she needed a good scrubbing.

"It might."

Jasper was overprotective all of a sudden, and the frail girl was hard to get near without him being there first. He was so careful peeling her out of the ratted gown and submerging her into the water. She still didn't stir, but her breathing seemed easier now. I stood by and watched as he gently washed her fingers and arms, feet and legs, not stopping until the girl's skin was mostly like porcelain. Her hair suffered the same treatment with a pair of scissors that mine had. He cut her ghastly long nails, trimming them so they looked normal again. All the while he worked, he murmured words like _butterfly_ or _little sparrow wake up for me._ It was very strange to watch, but this must have been what Edward mentioned when he said that Jasper used to have the kindest soul.

"You need to rest." Edward's hands were on my shoulders, his voice soft in my ear.

I knew my body was aching, but I had pushed it all back in favor of helping the girl, but I couldn't anymore. She was clean now, safe, and Jasper was desperately trying to get her to drink some water. It wasn't working.

"Will she live?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet," he answered. "But we've done all that we could, and Jasper won't leave her side."

I didn't doubt that Jasper would be glued to her.

Feeling weary to the bone, I let Edward lead me back to his room. He had washed and was back in a clean set of clothes. The few steps it took to get to Edward's room were enough to set my insides boiling.

"This is so unfair," I griped though my teeth. "How can they treat us like we are vermin, like we're just weeds that needs to be beaten down?"

"Because they can." Edward's voice was even, almost indifferent.

"Don't you care?" My voice rose, and my anger seemed to spike.

"Sure I do, but the world is what it is."

"How can you say that? Don't you care about _anything_?"

He stared at me, probably bewildered by my sudden frustration. "What do you mean exactly?"

My heart pounded, and my mouth was suddenly filled with unspoken words. I was so angry at the world, at him, at the unfairness of it all. And living in this limbo where Edward's emotions were mostly like smoke and mirrors wasn't helping. "Do you care about me at least, or am I just company that is comfortable for a while?"

He gritted his teeth as his jaw went taut. "Don't go there, Bella," he warned.

I stared at him; my eyes were hard and cold, a product of years of training. "Don't go where? Don't go to the place where I feel complete when you hold me. Don't go imagining that you actually care about me? Don't pretend that someday, this empty feeling that I have in my chest will go away because you finally seem to be close enough? Or don't go admitting that what I want between us isn't real?" I hissed at him, unable to contain my anger anymore.

His voice was loud and cutting. "Don't go there, because you don't get it, even though I explained it to you. You will die, Bella. You are mortal, and I am not! Don't think that I don't have feelings for you because I do, and trust me, it's not a school boy crush. It won't just go away. You're not company to take my mind off how hideous this world is. Why the hell do you think I keep bringing you to my bed every time I need to rest? I can't find a second of peace if you're not next to me. I am gutted and torn by the fact you will die— maybe not now, maybe not in a decade, but surely you will grow old and die, and I will be alone. I have mourned the women who have stayed here, but compared to when you go, they will feel like nothing more than a sprained finger." Several slow and deep breaths coursed through his lungs, but his tone softened.

"So don't assume for a second that I don't understand your feelings, because I do, because I feel exactly the same way. I don't have a heartbeat that races every time that you come near, but if I did, it would pound just like yours. I feel the rush of heat to your skin, the warmth of your body every time I am close to you." He paused. "It tears me up because I want so much more, but I know it will be gone someday, and I will be left with nothing but a memory."

My eyes brimmed with tears as I suddenly saw how selfish I was. When I was dead and gone, I wouldn't remember; I would just be gone. Edward wouldn't. He would still be here – alone.

I swallowed on a dry throat, plopping down on the bed. Edward stood in front of the fireplace, his head hanging from his shoulders. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said softly.

"I'm sorry I'm so selfish," I countered. He moved over to the bed, sitting down on the opposite side. "I don't even understand what's happening with me," I was hoping to mediate how strange I've been feeling lately, perhaps as a way to find the girl I once was and who knew how to handle situations like these.

"Things change all the time," Edward murmured. "And we adjust to them. You'll figure out your emotions soon enough." I sat with my back to him, listening to the sheets rustle as he climbed in.

I felt worse now, not better. The unconscious girl's amplified my own helplessness. We were all pawns in their play. "What do we do now?"

Edward sighed. His cool hand clamped around my wrist and pulled me into bed. "First we go to sleep. You need the rest because you can practically go into labor any day now, and you'll need all your strength." He paused as I chose to find some sort of solace nuzzling up to him. "Second of all, there'll be time to talk and figure everything out soon enough."

I ran my hand over his cool chest, feeling relieved that he didn't consider me to be a silly school girl. He knew how I felt because he felt it himself. How strange. "I'm exhausted," I whispered. I was worn out on so many levels that I didn't even know where to start.

"Then sleep. I'll keep you safe. I promise." Edward stroked my hair, and I closed my tired eyes. There was my promise.

oooooOOOOooooo

Any words as you finish the chapter.

**I'm off to think up more of this ghastly world.**

**Thank you for reading.**

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	9. Birth

**First of all, thank you for your sweet comments. It's nice to see that some of you like this story, even though it is dark. **

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**Lastly, Stephenie Meyer wrote… you know the drill.**

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**Chapter Eight**

**Birth**

The screams kept building, and I could no longer hold them back as they tore through my throat. "Please, Edward, it hurts!" I whimpered frantically when I was all out of air. I had been chanting that line for hours now, though it felt more like days. Edward had done his best with his ability to dull my pain, but it was too fierce for him to take it away completely. I was sweating, panting, thrashing every time the pain took over my body and ripped through my pelvis with renewed force. I was in labor.

A sharp pain stabbed its way through my body, and I couldn't stop from pushing. "Edward!" I cried.

"You're almost there, Bella! You're doing so well," he promised. Momentarily his hand was on my damp hair, stroking it back.

"Fuck you!" I spat and panted as the pain subsided, only to return about a minute later.

Edward had made all preparations to learn how to extract the blood filled with stem-cells. I still wanted Jasper to have whatever chance there was to regain his humanity, especially now that I had seen just a glimpse of it. He was everything to the raven haired girl he so desperately tried to save. However, he was still slipping further and further away. If it wasn't for Alice, he would be gone by now.

Alice was better, but worse in some ways. The only time she opened her eyes was when she was in Jasper's cold arms. She would stare sightlessly into the air, only sometimes making eye contact, but it was clear that she couldn't see. Her eyes were black as night and completely unfocused.

When Jasper wasn't with her, she was curled up into a ball, tears oozing from her closed eyes. She refused any food or drink, only willing to take nurturance when Jasper fed her. And when I say fed her, I had caught him biting into his thumb letting her suck a small amount of blood from the pad of his finger. That was when she would improve. Her cheeks flushed rosy, her lips wasn't as dry, and her body seemed less emaciated. I wondered if it was Jasper's blood that kept her alive now. If so, this precious girl would die if my blood didn't save Jasper. It was a nasty catch 22. I didn't want to lose Alice, and she couldn't lose Jasper.

Edward had spent the last few days by throwing himself into figuring the best way to get the blood with the stem cells into Jasper, without risking harm to either Jasper, me, or my baby.

On the other side of the door was a snarling, hissing, furious vampire that wanted nothing more than to tear through the door and take what he wanted. Jasper was hanging on to his humanity with nothing but his fingernails, and right now he could smell the blood streaming from my body and the cure that would save him—the rich blood from a baby and my womb. My only hope was that Emmett would be able to hold him back or I was a goner.

I had wondered a few times how Edward was dealing with all that blood. He probably had what would save is soul right in his hands. It was handed to him on a silver platter. It was literally right under his nose for his taking. The only thing I could do was trust him.

Rose was surprisingly calm with all my screaming and pleading. Softly she ran a cold cloth over my forehead. I had expected her to retreat into a stupor and start banging her head against the wall, but she hadn't.

For what felt like an eternity I pushed with all my might, feeling like I was getting nowhere. The pain was unbearable, and I was far beyond exhausted. "One more push and the head will be out," Edward said calmly.

I nodded frantically, bracing myself for the next contraction, and it hit like a sledgehammer mere seconds later. I screamed and pushed with everything I had in me.

I slumped back on the bed at the point of passing out. I panted as I closed my eyes, relieved that the pain was suddenly gone. I made it through hell. A small, warm and slick body hit my chest, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around it. An infant scream ripped through the room, and I opened my eyes to stare down at the baby–my baby.

Peripherally, I could see Edward working furiously, snapping the cord and dealing with the afterbirth. I watched fatigued as he filled a large syringe with blood from the umbilical cord. "Emmett!" he called. "Get ready."

I watched as the door opened, seeing Emmett's massive body forcing a struggling Jasper to yield. Edward exposed the top of Jasper's chest a second before he slammed the thick needle right into his heart. Jasper thrashed against Emmett's brute strength, but it was fruitless.

I stopped watching the macabre show and stared at the screaming child in my arms. I was mesmerized by the baby's distorted face. Rose friction dried the small body, and then covered it with a blanket. She wept a bit, but she was still reasonably calm.

"Jasper is gone," Edward said gently. "You're both safe." I just nodded, completely hypnotized by the screaming coming from my baby. "You should try to nurse."

"Nurse?" I glanced up at him in confusion.

"Yes, breast-feed," he elaborated and I just gaped at him. Sure, my breasts were swollen and leaking some sort of puss, but I wasn't sure how to go about the whole thing. But I could count on Edward to explain the whole thing to me. Tentatively I held the child to my breast just like he told me to. The baby started suckling, making small contented noises.

I had given birth to a son, and only one name seemed suitable. The friend I had lost, but his name shouldn't die with him. So I named the baby Jacob.

For days I was in a stupor, surprised I had survived the whole thing, which I hadn't expected by a long shot. My body was starting to recover, and I was slowly learning the art of breast-feeding. It was a strange feeling; I felt warm and so close with the child every time I put him to my breast. Edward said it was natural and I just nodded.

Edward lay in bed, while I sat with my back against the headboard with baby Jacob latched onto my chest. The boy had a healthy appetite. I realized now why it was crucial that this worked and why Edward had pushed. This was the only way to feed my child inside the fence.

"When do you think Jasper will be back?" I asked. It had been two weeks since he had disappeared. I still had hope that he hadn't died out in the streets, but it was waning. Besides that, Alice was deteriorating. All she had done was lie in Jasper's bed, so small and frail, because there was no fight left in her. Her black eyes were always closed and she was growing weaker by the hour. Edward had tried everything under the sun to get her to eat or drink, but she refused even to answer. She was lost to us, just waiting for the hour where she was so weak she couldn't breathe anymore.

I stroked Baby Jacob's cheek, wiping away a small trail of milk leaking from his mouth. "Jasper used to feed Alice," I murmured. I had never told Edward what I had seen a few days before I gave birth. "I saw him give her some of his blood. I could see it in her face every time he had done it."

Edward sat up, his eyes wide with interest. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

I shrugged. "I figured it was their business."

"I always thought a human would die if he or she ingested our blood. That it would be like venom to your system. Well, that was what we were told by the Volturi."

"It didn't weaken her, Edward, it gave her strength. I don't think it was more than a few drops, but she was stronger when she had fed."

"Interesting," he murmured, while he gave me a lingering look. He reached out stroking his knuckles over Baby Jacobs flushed cheek. He always got so warm when he ate. Then Edward gently brushed the back of his hand over the side of my swollen breast. "I love watching this–when he feeds. I don't think I've ever seen anything so invigorating."

There was a new side to him, a very soft and loving side that had emerged ever since our fight. We still hadn't talked about how we felt, but as days passed in a slow quiet manner, it was clear that both of us weren't jumping through hoops trying to avoid each other either. It was the opposite. Actually, we had grown closer, as close as we could be considering I had just given birth.

"Doesn't the blood bother you?" I asked quietly as I nuzzled Baby Jacob's foot, because he had gone to sleep without finishing eating. The baby stirred and started suckling again.

Edward shook his head slowly. "I don't really notice it anymore. It's just a part of how you smell now."

Giving birth I had learned that after the ordeal was over, you bled, like you were hemorrhaging from between your legs and Edward was bound to smell that. It was nice to know he could ignore it and I wouldn't risk waking up with his teeth sunk into the fleshy part of my thigh. Though, the idea of Edward taking my blood was becoming more and more intriguing every day. I knew because every time I saw Rose go to Emmett's room I was insanely jealous. I was envious of the fresh bite mark I sometimes spotted on her neck. And when Edward left at night, venturing into the streets, I was a hairsbreadth away from losing my sanity.

My heart started pounding at the mere thought of a bite mark on my neck, a purplish indentation into my neck from where Edward's teeth had been.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I closed my eyes in defeat knowing he had heard the ferocious beat of my heart. "You could feed from me?" I suggested casually.

Edward's pose shifted and his entire body went ridged. "You don't know what you're saying," he mouthed.

"I think I'm better equipped to make that choice than Rose is, yet Emmett still feeds from her," I countered. I focused on once more waking up the baby so he would finish and I wouldn't have to nurse him again within the next hour.

"This isn't about Emmett and Rose."

"I take it that means you're not interested?" I worked hard to keep my voice steady and the venom and disappointment hidden.

Edward swallowed tightly, his red eyes lowering to my neck for a fraction of a second. "That's not what I meant." The room went dead silent and the tension was mounting. "You're not strong enough for me to be taking your blood."

I cut my eyes to his. "Does that mean you've considered it?" I asked surprised.

Edward looked away, almost like he was ashamed. "Of course I have, but it hardly seems fair." A small smiled crept across his lips, but he didn't look up. "You can't have two men taking from you, when you need the strength." He brushed the baby's cheeks again.

"I'm strong enough," I answered. I was nervous and excited that this topic wasn't closed after all. I realized how much I longed for that connection, the closeness it would bring knowing that my blood would be keeping him alive. It was exactly what had been missing all of these weeks when he never seemed to be close enough.

Edward reached out, caressing my face with his cool hand. His eyes were torn, but captivating the way he seemed to stare right into my soul. His gaze went bone deep, sweeping right into my heart. "I know you're strong, Bella." He paused and his eyes were earnest. "When you've stopped bleeding, then we can discuss it again. But I want you to know that your offer to feed me brings me joy I never knew existed. I feel very honored."

I sucked in a deep breath. "Okay." Too frazzled with the possibilities for the future I gave up my attempt to keep Baby Jacob awake and just placed him in the middle of the bed where he usually slept. I would deal with it later when he got hungry too soon.

"Take a nap, Bella," Edward whispered. "I need you strong and healthy."

I smiled softly, nestling in the bed. "I am strong and healthy."

"I know." He stroked my hair, before he leaned in. Tenderly he pressed his lips to my mouth, leaving a lingering kiss. "I'll be back later." My mood plummeted, the short lived euphoria with today's revelations were gone with a snap of fingers. Edward hovered less than an inch from my face. "I won't feed tonight. I promise I will take as little nurturance as I have to until we can talk again. I just want to go out to look for Jasper."

I offered a small smile. "Thank you. Please bring him home." I sent a fleeting prayer to Alice, hoping that either Emmett or Edward would find Jasper soon. He was the only one who could keep her alive now.

"I'll do my best." He kissed me again before he left.

oooooOOOOooooo

When I woke the bed was empty. Jacob wasn't snuggled up to my chest, and the fire had died out. The room was cold. I felt cold for the first time in a while. I sat up with panic racing through my veins when I could faintly hear Baby Jacob cry from another room. I realized that Edward must have come back. He would have taken Jacob so I would get more sleep.

I stepped into the living room immediately seeing Rose was crying again. Her shirt pushed up and her breast was exposed. Softer than ever, Emmett placed his hands on her shoulders and covered her chest again. Edward pried the blanket wrapped baby from her arms–my baby. Confusion tumbled through my body, and I stared at Edward.

"She tried to feed Jacob. She got confused," he said. Gently he left Jacob in my arms, and I pulled him to my chest to quiet his cries. He was upset and trembling from his crying.

Rose sobbed louder, and Emmett pulled her into his arms and left the room with her. I remembered what Edward had told me about her past. She had lost so many of her own children, and I knew she didn't mean any harm. She could be a loose canon, but she wasn't mean on purpose. I also understood the synergy between Rose and Emmett; he would comfort her and soothe her distress now.

I waited in the hall as Emmett had to reemerge at some point, because Rose was quiet now. I watched the handle turn, and I took a deep breath hoping for the courage to ask my questions. He barely glanced at me as he was about to pass.

"Could you tell Rose that I'm not mad?" I asked carefully. He didn't seem in a particularly great mood.

"Already did," he answered evenly and continued walking away from me

"Why do you hate me?" I blurted, but it was too late to take it back. I hadn't to meant to ask, though I wondered what it was that I had done to insult him. I knew he had a problem with my sometimes foul mouth, which wasn't really so bad anymore.

Emmett stopped mid-step. He didn't turn. "I don't hate you."

"Then what is it?"

He sighed heavily, bringing his hands up and rubbed his temples. It was quiet for eons of time, and I gave up on him ever answering me. "You look like my daughter," he said quietly.

I gaped.

Humanely slow he turned and stared deeply into my soul. "I used to have a family." His lips twitched in a strange semblance of a smile. "I had a wife and two kids."

I closed my mouth slowly. "Why did they change you?" I asked carefully. It wasn't like him to willingly share information like this.

Emmett frowned. "I almost died on the operating table. I was donating my kidney to my son when he was going into renal failure. They told my family that I did die and then they changed me. All we monsters were kept hidden, and I knew I could never see my family again because all I wanted was to drink their goddamned blood." He smiled menacingly. "Ironic isn't it… saving you from the streets I see everything that I have lost."

My blood ran cold in my body. "I'm sorry," I muttered.

"Thank you," Emmett answered. It was the kindest words we ever exchanged.

I went back to the living room, feeling mostly like I was caught in a trance. Edward sat on the floor with Baby Jacob lying on a fluffy blanket between his spread legs. His eyes were alive with excitement as tiny hands wrapped around his index fingers in a primordial response.

"You're so strong, a regular Hercules," he cooed at my baby.

I couldn't help but smile. The monster with the demonic eyes that I once thought was colder than a frozen rock was playing with a baby. He looked up after a moment.

"You okay?"

I shook my head slowly and plopped down next to him. Everything was wrong with this world. Everyone that seemed to want to help people was punished for it. First I knew Edward's depressing past, now Emmett had a similar story. My heart was breaking. How was I supposed to give my son a future in this hell hole? I was nothing but a helpless pawn in the Volturi's sick and twisted game.

Edward put his hand around my shoulder, and I leaned into his embrace. He kissed my forehead gently. "It will all be okay someday."

"I don't see how."

"Neither do I, but we're survivors. It's what we do."

As I sat on the floor wishing I would feel comforted, a motion at the door caught my eye. That was when I realized that Edward already had Jacob cradled to his chest in a way that was highly protective. His lips curled back from his teeth as he snarled.

Demonic eyes were locked on me like flaming arrows sent flying across a dark night sky.

"Fucking hell!"

_Jasper was back._

oooooOOOOooooo

**That is all for now kids. What do you think? Is Jasper up to trouble?**

**I'm on Twitter Elvirina_Nelly, come find me.**

**I also started a new slashy story called Heart and Soul. Check it out if you like sweet boys.**

**xoxo**


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